I was molested by my Aunt and then abused my sister

I then proceeded to ask her to touch me. I only asked her to do that once but usually I just humped her leg. I don't condone any of this behavior. I honestly just want to die. I have told my parents and my sister and they are disgusted with me as I deserve. I honestly want to kill myself. I cannot believe I did this when I myself was abused by my aunt when I was eleven. I want to die so much. I can't believe that I did this. The thing is my mother did absolutely nothing to help me with my abuse and even told me years later that what my aunt did was a punishment of some sort according to the Ethiopian culture. I hate that I was tossed aside but I guess I deserved what happened to me with my aunt. She(my aunt) and I shared a room and every night she would play with my vagina and slap my butt like it was a game. I felt scared everywhere I went and I want to stab and kill myself for inflicting the same kind of pain on my sister (She was 5 and I was 14). I was molested when I was 11 and I want to die and I suffer from depression and anxiety and hate myself every day. (Mind you I NEVER touched my sister I asked her to do the things my aunt did to me which doesn't justify anything but I just wanted to be clear). I don't expect anyone to understand I just needed to talk about it.

Please don't kill yourself. I know you are despairing but that answer is just not the right one. Are you seeing anyone? Maybe that would help. I want you to know forgiveness is possible. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please be safe. Talk to me if you want too.

Amanda

I'm not judging. There are obviously valid reasons why this happened that you can't currently help - or you'd never have done it. Please forgive me for being so blunt, but it sounds to me like your mother is also abusive. What she told you is very wrong. You don't deserve the abuse. I can understand why you are in pain.

Please seek help asap. You may want to start with a helpline like The Samaritans or a similar local telephone or email service where you are regarding suicidal thoughts/feelings. You may find it easier to put your experience in writing rather than speaking it out - at least to start with.

I'm so very sorry you were put through what you were.

Thank you Night Owl and Amanda it has been really hard these past couple of weeks/months I hate myself and probably always will. But I thank you guys for your effort to help me and will always appreciate it as I trudge sadly through life.