Bad feeling toward the past

Hello

I need help regarding something that I think may have happend a while ago but I am not too sure if it even did I feel like I may have ocd and this doesn't help. I keep replaying a situation in my head of where me and my younger brother who is 5 years younger than me. We was both below 10 at the time I'd say I feel as if I have done a terrible think and put my Penis towards him in his mouth. This make me feels sick and has been affecting me for months on end I cannot live my normal life it affects work I can't do anything I want and can't be happy with my normal life I don't know if this is wrong or how to stop thinking about it its taking over my life and causing me a lot of pain. I also used to have weird sexual habits of inserting things into my anus when young and all this is getting too much

It is hard to know exactly what emotions would be appropriate without knowing what happened and what didn't - but, importantly, if you were under 10, you were very much a young child and under the criminal age of responsibility in many if not most countries. I think it is fair to say that you shouldn't see yourself as "the same" person who you were when you are 10. Most people would be able to process this fact but if you are constantly ruminating upon these memories there is certainly a real possibility you have OCD, which you may want to speak to a doctor or therapist about. Yes, inappropriate (or abusive) behaviour from one child to another can cause long-term effects and if there is evidence of this then I can understand the need for apology and reparations. But it is vitally important that we do not judge children as we do adults. Try speaking to yourself as you would another child under 10 about this.

I second what sprock said; try speaking to yourself as if you were talking to a <10 year old. We tend to be very harsh on ourselves, but compassionate towards others in the same situation. What would you say to a <10 year old about this? Think about it, then say it to yourself

Kids are constantly growing and maturing, there's a very gray area regarding kids and situations like this.

Relax, remind yourself you were a child. Under 10 years old is very young! Kids that young really don't know what they're doing. It's okay, you'll be okay. Hang in there!

I feel as if this is just some crazy idea I have made up in my head and it never happened. Now I keep doubting myself if all sorts of things ever happened and stuff like that and it drives me crazy I cannot seem to remember clearly about this memory or even if it's real.therefore I don't want to confront any family about this and cause a scene if this may not even be true I don't know why I keep thinking about this and reliving and bringing bad things up from the past.

[sprock mod: edit for repetition of same paragraph]

Then give your time and try to meditate on it. If you can't work out what was real and what was not then it will not help to rush into some sort of confession. Plus, if you do end up talking about this, it is important that you are primarily doing it for your brother.