What if the threats I made were solely for attention?

I feel like I was never really depressed, but actually faked it for attention...

After all, there's no accurate way to diagnose depression.. You could just say whatever you want to get whatever you want.. It's quite maniacal, but a possibility, nonetheless.

I feel like there's a permanent elephant in the room between me and my friend.. I've apologized before, but I do not think I was honest. This is how I feel....


I just need to get something off my chest ( you don't need to respond back, I'm just sending this for peace of mind) Honestly, I don't know if what I said to you stemmed from depression or pure, moral ridden attention. I'm thinking about it, and it only makes sense to think "this" happened because I was jealous you had a boy friend. God, I can still probably tell you that text conversation that occurred that day.... and you're voice on the phone when I called you in a fit of rage... is forever cemented into my brain. I can't help but think how things would be different if I hadnt of done the things that I done. I mean, we were pretty good friends before I ###$ our friendship up. As your boyfriend said, "you put her in a position that no one should ever have to be in, and I can"t forgive you for that..." And I sure as hell did. And it was all for attention. I know it's been almost a year now, but I don't even think it's possible to begin to say how sorry I am. I always said "it was a dark time for me", but perhaps it was simply one of the worst things I could do as a human being. I said that I was not in my right head, but perhaps I was fine... and just wanted the attention you were giving your boyfriend. All of the long, drawn out texts I sent you apologizing have nothing on how I actually feel. I honestly don't even know how we are still acquaintances.

I live in the guilt of the decision I made that day. I used to just accept it, but as the year "anniversary" of that day draws nearer and nearer, it will permanently be on my mind.

It sounds like there was more going on than just seeking attention tbh. Have you apologised?

sprock wrote:It sounds like there was more going on than just seeking attention tbh. Have you apologised?

I've apologized many times. But if it stemmed from wanting attention, I think I need to apologize again.

Countless times, but that was almost a year ago. But considering I don't know if I was depressed, I think I owe another apology.