All different ages

Hello,

I'm currently feeling uneasy about this. I find myself generally 'checking out' people no matter what age, whether they're my age, quite a lot older and the worrying one is when they're quite a bit younger. I never 'feel' anything when I look at someone who may be underage, but the fact I looked makes me feel like a monster. When I watch porn it can be quite varied in age too, and obviously with some stuff you can't guarantee they're over the age of consent. Just to say it's never little children, but could be underage by a year or 2 for all I know. I just feel I struggle with sticking to the 'normal' boundaries and with my racing thoughts, I wonder am I a pedophile, do I have something wrong with me. Hopefully someone on here could explain what I'm dealing with. As you'll all know, it's no fun when this guilt is taking over. By the way I'm 24.

Thank you.

This sounds like POCD to me. You haven't done anything illegal. Mainstream porn sites are extremely careful not to allow images or footage of 16 or 17-year-old children since if they did the people owning the sites would be in very serious legal trouble (and the sites would be shut down). Unless you are actively seeking out child pornography you have nothing to worry about.

As for checking people out, obviously do not do that if it is in a leery or pervy way, or might intimidate someone. But if it is just a matter of you glancing at someone you think might be pretty or attractive, there is no crime in that.

Your actions sound appropriate to me and as long as you're not seeking a relationship with someone under 18 you don't have anything to worry about.

Thanks for the reply! I'm in a long term relationship with someone in their late 20s, it's never crossed my mind to even consider a relationship with someone a lot younger. I guess the guilty thoughts are mainly "oh no what age was that person I just looked up and down" or "have I just watched a video with someone underage" - after researching POCD it does seem very possible to be that. I seem to get these distressing thoughts in waves, I'll be alright for a while and then I'll be obsessed over them for a while...

Mate, you seem perfectly decent!

As said, porn sites have to be really careful not to include anyone underage. There is a reason why people looking for child pornography are caught - and that is because they are scouring the so-called "dark web" and torrenting videos with titles that make it clear that what they are downloading is wrong and illegal. Or else they're going on Russian modelling sites and saving pictures of teenage girls to their harddrives.

As for checking people out - as long as you're not ogling, looking at someone in the street needn't even be sexual. It's entirely possible to see a young girl or boy and think "they're pretty" without it being sexual or having any desire to do anything at all. You're in a relationship with an older partner, you have nothing to worry about!

all countries tolerate some level of slightly underage prostitution, so why should it be any different for pornography? i really don't think porn sites have to be as careful as people think ... well they need to be very conscientious with borderline legal, because they can in theory be in serious trouble, but it's mostly just ######6 Paladins making a problem of it that forces the websites to deal with ANY possibly under 18; not the authorities.

what do you think happens to a stripclub or 'full body massage' salon that employs a 16 or 17 yo, but causes no other trouble? nothing whatsoever. you think a porn website would in trouble for the same? #######4.
at least they ######6 shouldn't be. ethically speaking, dealing with what looks like footage of activity someone was goaded or manipulated into, or that was filmed or distributed without consent is far more important, but retarded age-nazis don't care about that, eh?
believe me that authorities are actually trying to be slightly lax with the age-restriction, increasingly using that law instead to combat involuntary stuff regardless of age.

if you're 24, and occasionally see a 16 year old and think she's attractive ... well that would make you absolutely normal. we all do that and anyone that says otherwise is the weird one, or lying.

however, if you really mean "no matter what age", that would make you, i guess, a 'pan-chronophile'. (i think i might be that, tbh. i've caught myself "checking out" girls or petite women any age 6 to 60, though mostly early 20s. not comfortable with it, but hey, most people have inappropriate thoughts or fantasies that they don't act upon. it's really not as big of a deal as is publically thought. there really is no such thing as a thought crime, nor anything as private and uncensored as the mind)

aar, for you, it's clearly non-exclusive, and you seem primarily into 18+ yeah? so ... not a big deal. and btw, you can legally ###$ a 16 yo in pretty much the entire world, even for money if you call it anything other than payment, so i'm pretty sure checking them out is fine. just don't be a dick.

I think we men have to accept that there are certain triggers that switch on the "check this out" part of the brain before we even have a chance to consider age.

Some of those triggers are obvious, others more sub-conscious. They are hard wired into our animal brains.

Whether we like it or not, evolution did not select against humans who found what are now considered underage girls and boys attractive. Therefore, that part of the brain remains to this day, and we have to deal with it in harmony (or discord I suppose) with ethics and legality.

There are 15 year olds who look 18. There are 18 year olds who look 15.

There is an entire porn industry around girls who look underage, but legally are not. Why? Because there is a demand to appease the sexual appetites of the animal brain whilst acknowledging the ethical implications of those baser drives.

But here's the bottom line...

There is no law against the chemical reaction in the brain that triggers a sexual thought. And rightly so - we can't control this and we certainly haven't evolved beyond it.

There ARE laws about the sexual contact, grooming and exploitation of underage girls and boys.

One doesn't cause harm. The other potentially does.

So the real question is "am I causing harm"?

A quick up-down glance at an underage girl does not automatically translate to anything sinister or illegal. It's just the male brain reacting to certain signals it has been programmed to react to.

Make this distinction clear in your mind and you have nothing to feel ashamed about.

Thanks guys for the helpful responses, really helped get my mind sorted!

But why? whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

why?

How come we didn't think like this when we were 16 and 17? What changed? Did we give ourselves over half-way to deceit. It's the same thing that tickles people in roleplaying. I play the massage therapist, you play the person getting the massage. Or reality, if that situation were true, how many times does the thought cross their mind, that he touches her in a different way, or she touches him. How many fantasies emerge in that instant, as she conducts her massage, as he experiences it. Why does the idea/notion of crossing the threshold of something that in its pure form is angled in one direction, why does thinking of it's potential switch, change in direction or other half, tickle us. What does it mean and when did this happen? Again, how come we weren't like this when we were younger? When did we become so sinister and contrary? surely you wouldn't have thought of yourself subject to the whim of another's fantasy when you were that age you are now fantasizing over.

That brings to mind, another question, at what age did we make the transition, and what is the significance of that age to us now?