I live in the past and I can't forgive myself

If you have read some of my older posts, my parents owned animals that they pretty much neglected emotionally and got angry at because they didn't house train them.
Most of the time it was usual to me, and it wasn't until last year at some point I decided to make my parents rehome all of their pets. So I'm happy these animals live in more stable environments.
I don't think my parents knew they were being abusive, and at the time I don't really think I knew it either.
The reason I have so much guilt about this is because I keep trying to think back and see if I did anything abusive (besides my obvious ignorance). I sit up all night ruminating through memories to try and think if there was ever a time I hit/kicked the family dog or something like that.
I hate animal abuse, to the point where I became vegan mid last year and still am to this day. I also feed neighbourhood cats that visit my grandmothers house whenever I am there. But I still hate myself and feel sick about my possible actions.
If I did do something relating to animal abuse then I'll probably end up offing myself because of the guilt. I hate how I can't remember things clearly.
I feel like I need to confess this because I feel like this is the worst thing and I come out just as confused all of the time. Is it worth it to just off myself because of the confusion?

Hi. I think you should stop feeling guilty about that for this reason: you do good things to animals and you care about them. If you don't really know if you abused an animal you should move on because that's in the past, you can't go back and change it. If that indeed happened then you are naturally acting as if you learned with that mistake, because you are doing good actions and that is what matters. We all do mistakes, we could have eventually hurt our pets at some point in the past, but most of us don't do it on purpose, bad things may happen, like they do between humans. As long as you keep being a good person towards animals I think that's enough for you to be proud about yourself and move on.

My God ~ don't off yourself over the behaviour of your parents. You were a child and have behaved heroically in getting those animals rehoused. I also admire your commitment to veganism. I'm vegetarian and know in my heart that being vegan is morally right but find it hard to work up the will-power and discipline (basically due to being pretty emotionally dependent upon chocolate).

If only the rest of the world treated animals with the compassion that you do!!

sprock wrote:If only the rest of the world treated animals with the compassion that you do!!

Hear, hear.

Why are you talking about offing yourself when you clearly have so much love to give the world? We (humans, animals) need you here man!