Precocious girl flirting with an adult man *TRIGGER*

Hello,
I'm new here, but I wanted to post this subject as it has come back to haunt me recently.
A few years ago, I was in a long term platonic friendship with a single mother with 2 daughters.
The woman was sexually promiscuous from an early age and it carried on into her adult years.
She lived in a small house with her girls. And did very little to be discreet when she had "boyfriends" spend the night with her in the next bedroom.
So the girls learned from a very early age what sex was all about. They could hear it.
At times she would discuss with me what happened in bed with these men she had stay over.
So, I was caught up vicariously in the details of her sex life. It's was arousing for me.
I guess I didn't seem to realize her daughters could sometimes also hear what should have been an adults only conversation.
I also found this woman attractive and she was aware of it. Although we never were intimate.
But it wasn't unusual for her to wear only panties and a shirt at home and in my presence.
I didn't think that was an issue since she had daughters. I must have been caught up in my own thoughts to realize what effect this might have on her girls.
So, when the oldest was around 10-12, she began her own form of flirtation towards me.
Occasionally, if the mother wasn't watching, the girl would just decide to pull down the waistband of her pants or shorts and proudly flash the panties she was wearing in front of me.
I never encouraged this from her. But I also didn't discourage this behavior either. I should have...
My reaction was veiled by showing no reaction. But I'm ashamed to admit, I found it arousing.
I did tell her on a few occasions that she shouldn't do it. But it was more to make myself look innocent and less of a attempt to make her stop. She'd just laugh when I tried to dismiss it all.
So, even though in my mind, I thought I was acting responsible, I should've been more assertive.
I was in a grey area of immoral behavior and rationalizing it away by thinking I did nothing wrong.
If I told her mother the first time it happened, It would've stopped. But I didn't want it to.
So, a couple years later, it was brought to the mothers attention. And I was at fault for letting her daughter carry on this type of inappropriate behavior.
It cost me the trust of a Mother with 2 daughters and whatever friendship we had at that point.
She's shared this with others willing to listen even recently. Also adding her own version of an already humiliating situation to make me look even worse in order to protect the reputation of her now grown daughter.
I accept my share of the blame for not being the adult and stopping it when it started..
But I believe this is too much blame assigned to me, and I don't defend myself about it.
Because I feel so much guilt. And I don't want the daughter to have a bad reputation as well.

Wow, dude. I'm sorry that you feel so torn right now. Too bad it won't be easily fixed. Your story is very "Lolita" in nature, and it's pretty obvious that you:
1) made a mistake in not addressing the strange behavior in the beginning, however, you likely caused no severe damage to any single person
2) feel incredibly guilty and remorseful for your part in the show
3) are being used by someone who clearly preys on humanity's fundamental occurrence of "morally ######6 up" on occasion... Glass houses and throwing stones, etc.

You should probably let go and admit that you were wrong by society's moral standards. So? Nothing big came of it. Ask the adult daughter if she is suffering from problems associated with your behavior. Go to the source. If not, screw all of them. If yes, make your moral amends and be open with the "victims", either honestly or withholding truth.

Mainly remember that their moral opinion shouldn't serve as an important player in your conscience guilt and obvious involvement in the matter. Unless you have committed an obviously clear crime in your country, you're innocent in every way.

This is insane. Men are often attracted to women. Women to men. Women to women and men to men. Boys to girls, vice versa. People to people. Promiscuous and sensual behavior will entice a common reaction in any human-being. I'd say, forget these screwy people, move on in your life. Choose to fight for your name legally, or avoid further attachmemt by moving away and forgetting these people. Forgive yourself. Speak with her kids, not her. Speak for yourself. Choose your path and make a freaking move. Good luck!

I appreciate what you had to say Killingsound.
When I posted this, I was expecting judgment, not understanding.
Also I'm not looking for sympathy or anyone making me feel good.
But some understanding does helps me know I can be a better person.
I know now that I've got a problem with attraction to young girls.
Even though I never crossed any lines with her, I could've practiced more self control.
I still look and think about them. And I need to get this under control.
As for the girls now, they're both over 18 and the oldest lives out of state.
The mother doesn't trust me and doesn't want me having any contact with them.
I think this is a good idea. I haven't tried for a long time and don't plan to either.
Also, I didn't mention this before but I've had mental illness issues for awhile now.
I'm bipolar along with some behavior disorders such as OCD and GAD (anxiety).
But I think this just exacerbates the problem and may not be the reason I'm this way.

I'm just glad you didn't act on your feelings. And I honestly don't think you will. It sounds like the poor kid was mixed up due to her mother's behaviour. It would have been best to tell someone or explain to her why her "flirting" wasn't something she should be doing, but it sounds like an awkward situation to be in and I understand why you didn't wholly know how to confront it.

Though this is a bit off-topic, while I appreciate much of your post Killingsound I totally disagree that this situation was like Lolita - not least because so much of Lolita is told from the point of view of an incredibly self-deluded paedophile. In the book Lolita isn't really precocious at the start - Humbert just projects all sorts of things onto her. If she then starts acting in a sexualised way it is because of the abuse she suffers.

I guess I'm just a bit wary of Lolita being brought up here as it's a book that some people characterise as paedophilia apologism and some have used to justify child abuse. I think it's a very complex and often misunderstood book (albeit still a troubling one) and I also think that people often focus too much on whether a child is supposedly acting older than their age.

Anyway - to get back to the point - Karit, it sounds like you recognise that some of your thoughts have been inappropriate and have set appropriate boundaries for yourself. That's good and it doesn't seem like you should need to feel too much remorse, maybe just a bit of sober regret and the strong desire to avoid such a situation in the future or react differently if such a situation does come about