Did I commit rape?

I have a fear about something I did years ago. It wasn't anything I'd thought about until recently.

When I was with my now ex-boyfriend, I had performed oral sex on him while he was asleep, thinking he would like waking up to it. He woke up and liked it. We'd been dating for four months before I did this, so we'd discussed sex a lot before becoming intimate. Of what I remember, he had told me he was aroused by such a thing, but I can't remember if it was before or after I acted on this. I want to say he expressed interest before I had done it, and he was the reason I acted on it. But a part of me fears he hadn't expressed his interest in it until afterwards, and that I may have raped him. My current boyfriend has expressed similar interests, but I'm afraid of acting on it - despite his expressed consent - because of feeling like I'm committing rape, possibly again. I'm fine with doing such a thing except that I'd fear I'd be a rapist if I did. I know I never forced my ex into anything he didn't like, because whenever he expressed disinterest in sexual activity or to stop something I was already doing, I'd withdraw.

I never thought of this as rape until I heard sex with a sleeping person defined as rape. Since then, I've had a fear I could've raped my ex.

Could anyone explain to me whether I could've raped my ex or not?

It's good that you're at least aware of the boundaries and importance of consent. With that being said, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say you did not rape your ex-boyfriend and your guilty conscience is having an effect on your memory.

What's important know is that you know communication is needed and you seem to be on the right foot with your current boyfriend. If both parties are aware of what the other person likes or doesn't like then that's a good start. Obviously the partner can say no in the middle of something and I'm sure you'd stop then. In short, don't worry about the past b/c I'm sure you didn't do anything.

Thank you redmorgan - and blueseabreeze as well - for the reply. It brings me a lot of relief to hear that. I do not want to feel like a rapist or think that I have acted on rape in my past.

It's true that it's important to discuss with partners first. I've heard of so many couples doing this. I suspect it's likely he did express it to me beforehand and that's why I acted on it, but the fear he didn't ran through my mind which caused me a lot of anxiety, and I felt the need to ask others and hear what they had to say. I am definitely keeping this in mind and always discussing such a thing with my partner in the future though, to avoid any bad situations.

Thanks again.