Need serious advice

Hi, first of all I'd like to apologize if my previous thread had too much inappropriate content, which made it get deleted. If I say something inappropriate again please delete that but don't delete the topic, I really need to get someone's opinion...

I need advice about something I did in the beginning when I was 12 years old. I was discovering the sexual aspects of life and at that point I had the bad idea of touching my mom's breasts when she was sleeping. Infortunately instead of being a one time thing it turned out into something more regular and I couldn't bear with it anymore. I talked to her about that many years later and things ended up well but sometimes I still get the thought of doing it and wanting to repeat it but I want to stop it and move on...

What should I do? I don't know, I try to get my thoughts away from it but it's too hard sometimes. Thanks in advance.

Well first I'd like to say that what you did as a kid was pretty normal. At that age your hormones are all over the place and you have urges that arent easy to stop, sometimes those things are inappropriate. I don't know how active your sex life is, but sometimes when people haven't had much sexual experience and are sexually frustrated they think back on there closest sexual encounters, it might just be that and unfortunately it involves your mother. Another thought may be that you have a thing for sleeping women and since you touched your mother while asleep it might be the only thing fulfilling that sexual desire. Memories can't satisfy forever, perhaps that is what's happening you're not able to be satisfied by the memories and are now progressing into sexual fantasies to fulfill that need. Lastly you might just be attracted to your mom, that could be a hard thing to get over. But it's important to remember that just because you are attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to act on it.

Jashin702 wrote:Well first I'd like to say that what you did as a kid was pretty normal. At that age your hormones are all over the place and you have urges that arent easy to stop, sometimes those things are inappropriate. I don't know how active your sex life is, but sometimes when people haven't had much sexual experience and are sexually frustrated they think back on there closest sexual encounters, it might just be that and unfortunately it involves your mother. Another thought may be that you have a thing for sleeping women and since you touched your mother while asleep it might be the only thing fulfilling that sexual desire. Memories can't satisfy forever, perhaps that is what's happening you're not able to be satisfied by the memories and are now progressing into sexual fantasies to fulfill that need. Lastly you might just be attracted to your mom, that could be a hard thing to get over. But it's important to remember that just because you are attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to act on it.

Thanks for your reply. My sex life doesn't exist, I tried to get a girlfriend many times but I never succeeded and because of that I quit trying to get one because I feel too bad for getting a no every single time. As you said, the closest sexual encounter is with my mom indeed, because as I said before, I have had zero sexual interaction with other women. What I do sometimes is watch porn. I don't like to watch sex, all I enjoy is seeing natural breasts moving around and being grabbed. Maybe I only like that because of what I do with my mom's boobs, or maybe it's just a thing I have for boobs in general... I don't know.

And you're right when you say I am not able to be satisfied by the memories. I know I shouldn't say this but I would like to try things with her boobs, and I think this would end if I could get them for once without feeling nervous of sneaking into her during her sleep. I also have the constant thought that I will never get the chance to sexually interact with boobs as big as those, and it makes me want to do go for them...

And no, I know I am not attracted to my mom, I like her as my mom and the only thing that attracts me to her are only her boobs. I also have to admit that once I tried to touch her vagina too, but I couldn't really do it and that's something I found out that I am not into it. Sometimes I get fantasy of having sex with her after groping her boobs but I don't see me ever doing that, because I wouldn't want to have sex with my mom...

-- Sun Mar 13, 2016 5:24 pm --

Hello again. I am here again because I need more advices... From quite a while I have avoided this problem, everything was alright, but today I messed up again.

Today I woke up early because I am used to do it during the week to go to classes, but at weekends I stay on my bed for quite a while after waking up but this time I just wanted to get up but was too early. Since I had nothing to do I went to my mom's room and I did it again... Even though she woke up when I got into the bed, after she became sleepy I started putting my hand in one of her boobs again... She didn't do anything when I stood still but then I wanted to move it a bit and she moved my hand away. And then I tried again, did it and then she did the same.

When we got up my mom after a while said I was acting like an abuser... This is too bad, most times I wake up early and I don't do nothing because I get up after she does but when that doesn't happen I mess up...

If I get something to do to avoid getting up early and go to bed nothing bad happens but infortunately that doesn't happen some times. I don't want my mom to think I am a sexual abuser and I need to do something to keep me busy during that time to make me not think about go to her bed and touch her but I have no solutions... What do you think I should do?

I think you really need to knock this on the head. I'm guessing you're still pretty young (certainly under 25) so there is def time for you to change and get this obsession under control. Personally I think therapy would be a good plan, but since your fetish seems very confined to breasts, is there any chance you could buy yourself a fake pair and, if this urge arises, use them to satisfy your urges. Normally I wouldn't suggest such a thing TBH but I get the impression that this isn't so much about an inappropriate attraction per se or needing control or reassurance or acting out abuse perpetrated upon you (which are the kind of things posters to this forum have generally suffered from/ experienced) but rather a specific and destructive compulsion.

I think CBT or even hypnotherapy could help in the long-term, but in the short-term you need to find a way to not get overwhelmed by the desire to touch your mother's breasts. I hope you can think of something but, if not, I will continue trying to help as best I can!

-Sprock

sprock wrote:I think you really need to knock this on the head. I'm guessing you're still pretty young (certainly under 25) so there is def time for you to change and get this obsession under control. Personally I think therapy would be a good plan, but since your fetish seems very confined to breasts, is there any chance you could buy yourself a fake pair and, if this urge arises, use them to satisfy your urges. Normally I wouldn't suggest such a thing TBH but I get the impression that this isn't so much about an inappropriate attraction per se or needing control or reassurance or acting out abuse perpetrated upon you (which are the kind of things posters to this forum have generally suffered from/ experienced) but rather a specific and destructive compulsion.

I think CBT or even hypnotherapy could help in the long-term, but in the short-term you need to find a way to not get overwhelmed by the desire to touch your mother's breasts. I hope you can think of something but, if not, I will continue trying to help as best I can!

-Sprock

Hi, thanks for your reply. I am indeed under 25 and about your suggestion of buying a fake pair of boobs, I have a sex shop nearby but I am ashamed of going there, and I also don't know how to hide them form by parents so maybe that wouldn't work out welll. And no, I didn't get abuse before, it's something that I started and it should end.

In a small update, lately I haven't been having this kind of urge. I have been busy with other things and I haven't watched porn nor masturbated for a while. I also didn't have the chance to try grab my mom's boobs and I haven't been thinking lately about doing it. Maybe all I need is something to keep my mind busy and avoid any sexual contact, either physical or digital aka porn. It has been working, so maybe I should let the time go and see how this ends. The issue may arise when holidays arrive. When that happens I would have nothing to do and it might lead to me attempting to do that. Anyway, for now things are going well, if anything comes up I'll update here.

That's good. Best to make plans for the holiday to keep yourself busy before it comes though. Have you taken up a hobby? I was thinking that the fake breasts would be ordered via the internet, though personally I do not think it should be embarrassing to visit a sex shop. I understand your concern about your purchase being discovered by your parents though. The important thing is that you recognise that your fixation is inappropriate and acting upon is wrong. If it just stays in your head then it's not causing anyone any harm and you shouldn't feel bad about it. But you mum probably felt upset or annoyed at your grabbing her before and you really don't want to act like an abuser. So, I still think therapy might be helpful! Good luck and stay occupied!

sprock wrote:That's good. Best to make plans for the holiday to keep yourself busy before it comes though. Have you taken up a hobby? I was thinking that the fake breasts would be ordered via the internet, though personally I do not think it should be embarrassing to visit a sex shop. I understand your concern about your purchase being discovered by your parents though. The important thing is that you recognise that your fixation is inappropriate and acting upon is wrong. If it just stays in your head then it's not causing anyone any harm and you shouldn't feel bad about it. But you mum probably felt upset or annoyed at your grabbing her before and you really don't want to act like an abuser. So, I still think therapy might be helpful! Good luck and stay occupied!

In holidays I will have to study for an exam in September so maybe that will keep me busy enough. The problem would be during mornings. If I wake up first than my mom I would get tempted to go to her room and try to touch her... Maybe I have to get something to do during the mornings too, that is the best solution I can think of. My mom actually doesn't get upset that much when I go for it. If I grab her boob in the sizes and I don't move my hand around she doesn't really do nothing, but if I attempt to grope her or put my hand near the nipple she shoves me away. Maybe things would be fine if I could control myself and just leave my hand there but when I am there I have the need to play with the boobs, to do something that would sexuality estimulate me and that is bad. I mean, what I do is bad anyway but doing what she really dislikes makes it worse.

I also recall two times where my mom sexually teased me when I was around 10 years old. I remember that one time she had a shower and was wearing just a robe, and then she just flashed and I saw everything. The other time she was in my bed and at some point she went on top of me and rubbed her boobs in my face. I am saying this because maybe I started acting this way due to her letting me have that type of sexual contact with her. Maybe if she didn't do that ever I wouldn't prolly have started trying to touch her boobs. Anyway, all I know is that I should stop, and the less I think about that the better. This is one of the reasons I think it would be bad going to therapy, I think that constantly reminding that would make me keep doing that more often.

That was definitely seriously inappropriate of your mum and, in my opinion, sexually abusive - I can see how it would have helped you develop poor boundaries and confused sexual feelings connected to her & breasts.

Certainly distracting yourself seems like a good idea. My only concern is that this will not always be possible in the long-term. I certainly think a fetish for large breasts can be handled healthily. Maybe it will be easily to do so once you have moved away from home.

Best of luck as ever.

sprock wrote:That was definitely seriously inappropriate of your mum and, in my opinion, sexually abusive - I can see how it would have helped you develop poor boundaries and confused sexual feelings connected to her & breasts.

Certainly distracting yourself seems like a good idea. My only concern is that this will not always be possible in the long-term. I certainly think a fetish for large breasts can be handled healthily. Maybe it will be easily to do so once you have moved away from home.

Best of luck as ever.

Well, moving away from home will take many many years to happen, but that will defo be easier when that happens.

About my mom's actions I'd like to ask you something so I can understand this better. When I spoke to my mom about this problem for the first time, she said she thought that I was doing it because I found her boobs to be comfortable, and not because I wanted to have sexual pleasure with them. Back then, before telling her, sometimes when I went for her boobs when she was awaken sometimes she didn't mind me moving them around a bit, but that never happened anymore after our conversation. Do you think that before she was trying to make me discover how it feels to sexuality interact with a woman or it could be anything different than that? Also, during that conversation I had with her I asked her to allow me to touch her boobs and I convinced her to say yes. I ended up doing it and it felt good, but by the other hand I felt bad because I was too nervous and I was thinking that I was making my mom feel uncomfortable with that situation. Because of that it made me want to do it again and I thought that once I could fully enjoy it, I would be able to never have this urge again, but since it didn't nor will ever happen again my boob fetish continued.

It sounds like your relationship with your mother is characterised by a poor sense of boundaries tbh. Obviously I don't know her intent in allowing you to touch her breasts previously, but the most important thing now is that you do not have her continued consent to do so and it's a compulsion you need to have under control for both your own sake and others', which you seem to be managing, which is great!

My only concern is that you may need a longer-term plan than simply distracting yourself with homework or projects.