The worst thing I've ever done

Sorry if this triggers anyone, but I need to get this out there.
Basically when I was 11 years old I made this fake facebook account to troll my friends. At the time I didn't think much of this but looking back I honestly feel physically sick.
On this fake account I posed as an older man to creep my friends out and sent them dumb messages like "ur sexy," and pretending to hack their accounts. I also posted gay porn on the facebook page.
I betrayed their trust by doing this, and the worst part is I can't even remember all the people I sent these messages to. I have an anxiety that I might have sent one to someone younger than me although I honestly can't remember anything because it was so long ago and I don't think I would have done that but I can't be completely sure.
I hadn't really thought about it until tonight and I began pacing around my room trying to remember the exact details about it. It feels like the worst thing I've ever done.
Even though I never came clean most people I've heard talk about it nowadays laugh at it and I feel sick hearing about it.
Again, sorry if anyone was triggered by this.

If that was the worst thing I'd ever done, at least I wouldn't feel as bad as I do.

I can't help feeling bad, I've done a lot of awful stuff to people. This is just one of many but it will always feel like the worst.

Shyfemale wrote:It will always feel like the worst.

That means you don't intend to do anything worse, so that's good.

I know I won't, but I feel unable to move on. The part that kills me is that I could have sent harassing messages to one of my friends younger siblings but I feel like the part is probably down to OCD because I don't think I would have done that.

Shyfemale wrote:I know I won't, but I feel unable to move on. The part that kills me is that I could have sent harassing messages to one of my friends younger siblings but I feel like the part is probably down to OCD because I don't think I would have done that.

So you realize that it's not a logical worry. Are you still worried?

I'm always worried.
I don't know if my OCD will get worse or better, but I know I have a lot to be guilty about.

Shyfemale wrote:I'm always worried.
I don't know if my OCD will get worse or better, but I know I have a lot to be guilty about.

Me too, but I realized that the only way to be alive and live with the pain is to distract myself from it and learn to make myself happy by making other people happy and generally just being as nice to the people I care for as possible. Then, just like I can look at the bad things I've done and feel remorse, I can look at the good things I've done and feel good. The more good things done, the more I have to think about and the better I feel.

Nothing I ever do will make the wrongs right, but I accept that and choose to continue living instead of the alternative and the reasons for that are that I have people that I love and that I'm scared to die and scared of pain. Love and fear are what keep me going, but fear becomes an afterthought when focusing on all the love.

Great messages, contro. Thanks for posting that.

You were 11, Shyfemale - a little kid. Think about what you'd say to an 11-year-old child you knew had done something like you did and then say that to yourself/ your inner child. I'm sure you wouldn't be anywhere near as harsh as you are being to yourself right now.

What you did was just a trolly prank - immature and regrettable, but nothing much to write home about. I suspect that most - if not everyone else - involved has long forgotten about it. It wasn't such a bad thing. Please give yourself a break!

You where 11, making a fake facebook account and posting these things while is not right, does not make you a bad person. It does sound like your OCD is definitely contributing to the guilt, especially since it just popped up one night. I would tell you not to worry about it, but that wouldn't help since OCD doesn't really listen like that. I hope things get better for you