Racial perception issues with South Asian and black ppl

I will admit that me writing this message is influenced in part due to my own history of racializing things, having watched and been creeped out by ‘American history X’ a few weeks ago, the presence of a “curiously” ethnocentric poser math teacher now working here and the presence of someone I used to have feelings for and my resentfulness towards her and her likely ‘successes’. I thank anyone who reads this from beginning to end and who understands what I’m getting at, or at least tries.

I would like to first bring up black ppl b/c I feel that this might be easier to say b/c it doesn’t “touch me” quite the same way and b/c of that I think it might be shorter.
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I’d like to say how I get along with black ppl just fine and know darn well then to contribute to the pool of racialized contempt and spite, whether it be intentional or in some quasi-'acceptably espoused' way like with certain styles of humor.

Being Hispanic, I’ve sometimes wondered whether black ppl ‘should’ mean something different to me. I mean, I might attach myself to the background of being Salvadoran, a demographic which from what I’ve been told and understood has never really had a notable demographic of black people than say a Caribbean country like the Dominican Republic. I would also like to say how unfortunately, I don’t think my parents’ perception of black people has always been non-unfavorable, though I know better than to contribute to “the pool of hatred”.

I will admit that the image I have of black people has mainly been constructed by a factor which imo contributes a significant part of the ‘image’ black ppl wind up projected onto them; American media. Living in Canada and being thankful for there not being a deeply rooted and uncomfortable baggage for why such depictions have emerged, such depictions have never really ‘rubbed off’ onto me as ‘grounded in reality’ much as it might in another region. I realize how in a major way it’s more a vehicle for fashion and other consumerist priorities. I will admit though that the facial structure of black people is something I’m not too used. I’ve occasionally wondered how it’d be like to interact with (‘less than mixed’) black Hispanic people who (I’m sorry for the wording and how it might come off) seem like a “mystery”/ (are) “mysterious” to me though.

I would like to say this though. I admit that when I see an apparent presence of black people, thoughts along the lines of “I must be in a place of low quality” pop up in my mind. It is *not* b/c of what I think about the mannerisms of black people. It’s more to do with “black people; poor people” which pops up immediately in my mind, something which I think might resonate Caucasian ppl who didn’t grow up in an Hispanic country which developed out of some form or another of the non-sensically convoluted “castas” system and the pigmentized classism which came along with it. I have no doubt though that in the apparently more ‘affluent’ parts of Hamilton like Ancaster and Stoney Creek there are black ppl, immigrants or not who are more ‘well to do’ than me.

And this is has been me bringing up the “familiar dichotomy” of tensions between black people and white people, something which has been reoccuringly brought up in media; this is all before presenting the factors of East Asian ppl, Aboriginal ppl, West Asian ppl, North African ppl etc,etc. Groups whose presence in Anglospheric countries hasn’t yet been one with ‘as long’ an engrained history…with some exception in regards to regions around the Caribbean (something I’ll get too soon).

Myself, having grown up in schools in Southern Ontario, I would like to dare to say how my familiarity with black people has mostly been with people who are of Caribbean or African descent, perhaps even more than Black Canadians and who’s ‘adoption’ of the stuff projected in media and their reception of it, has frankly been kind of mixed, in my eyes. Hence, one reason for why I’ve always been cautious to let depictions ‘get the better of me’ in thinking that it’s “grounded in reality (of a region like Southern Ontario)”.
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I would like to say how I have had a fondness for West Asian people for quite a while. I’ve said before how when it comes to the appearance of a woman I’m a “sucker” for dark hair, dark skin and appealing eyes...”^u^ and might I say that more often than not the South Asian women I see are darker than most of the the Hispanic people I occasionely come across,personally?.

Not going to lie: when I was ‘pre-pubescent’ a part of me thought “Hispanic women?.. South or West Asian women?..; ‘close enough’ `u` .

I would to say right now, how no word of a lie, I’m writing this at a community college where such a demographic is present; at a computer room/lounge like area above the library on a laptop which I have to return before ~7:45 p.m. . . .

See (now here’s a part which I’ve mentioned on occasion in postings) when I was at the high school I regret having entered, I had feelings for someone who recognizably non-Caucasian. She was of (*English speaking region/Anglospheric*) Caribbean descent. Dare, I say it•, she was of *Indo*-Caribbean descent which is something which imo isn’t really going to be picked up on in a non-public school board which subscribes to a description of a following (Catholicism; whether it’s *nominal* is a different question) which (for one reason or another) delimits the demographics who are keen on attending there and maybe by the same token winds up leading to a cultural bias.

Whether she embraced it like 2 other ppl who pop up in my mind, is another question; I *'think'* she identified as black, as is her right to do as she chooses, even though I actually found that kind of odd at the time (early ~'06)…though (strange as it might seem to say) in contrast to the students who might be more attached to the identity of West Asian at this school she does seem (*a bit* more) ‘comparatively’ black next to several nearby people at a time, who I could compare her appearance to.

•“-__- b/c goodness knows how I’m not counting on discussing about this with her or about anything else for that matter, anymore

Now her being likely of South Asian descent,one way or another was something I kind of had a vibe as likely. This was grade 9 and the streak of having gone only to public schools had ceased with my entering into grade 7. Even between not feeling any respect from her, various teachers and (I’d rather not like to express getting ‘quantitative’ about this) the student body, I still strived to get her attention as well as closure with dialogue.

It was one thing which clung to me when (in short: b/c of not wanting to take anymore chances with the math department there anymore) I transferred to a high school which was more diverse. Now between late ‘08 to late ’14, the diversity of the places I’ve been around and the presence of non-East Asian ppl has been something I’ve always liked

—enter late ’14 and seeing ‘whom I used to have feelings for’… ._. goodness knows how much talking and counseling I’ve done about this; I really wish I could remember the response of a person who spontaneously came up to and I chatted with...

..however I am deeply and very sorry to say, that (due mainly to the ‘returned presence’ of her), my mind has been thinking and utterly very derogatory things whenever I come across West Asian ppl. Which is quite often at this school.

I’m sorry…part of me feels like yelling “D: Dx West Asian people!....a once-girl who I used to have feelings for, who now goes to this school as well, who has nearly not reciprocated any dialogue or interaction with me, in spite of recent attempts. I hate her. But I’d like to say how I would NEVER want to project that hatred onto you guys, to *act* on it because I LOVE you guys! Dx D:> …your looks, your culture, your philosophies and its ‘off the shizzle’ metaphysics, your pop culture, your mannerisms, hanging around you guys, your warmth and enthusiasm. I LOVE you guys too much to do that! and would hate myself too much to ever see you guys hurt because I acted on a hatred for someone who is ‘in a way’ attached to that identity but might have issues of her own in how she embraces it”.

That is true and I say it in fear and out of worry and anxiety that, that fondness is going to “wear off” just because of *one* person who doesn’t (*in my mind*) have the ‘conversational decency’ to talk with me about experienced realities. There is always a choice though; I don’t have to get myself about upset about this or embitter myself about this.

I know that no one is perfect and no one is ('~' 'really') ‘innocent’; there are plenty of issues which lend itself to the less inclusive and life-affirming aspects of minority cultures like intragroup stuff like say specific gender dynamics and postcolonial baggage. In the case of West and South Asian ppl, post-9-11 stereotypes and related silliness comes up in my mind, stuff I’ve worked on insulating myself against since I was like ~12 with that informational obsession some might use the (I don’t like it “-_-) phrase “nerdiness” to describe.
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There is actually an Indian movie called ‘Summer 2007’ which I’ve been curious to watch in spite of how that time period was in my real life was rreeeeeeaallllyy s-ky for me.

I've placed this in the remorse sub-forum since there isn't like an ethnicity issue related forum.

At heart I think you know that individuals always transcend their demographic origins and you seem logically rigorous to the extent that I can't imagine this one reciprocated relationship will cause you to have racial bias in the future.

Interesting that this cropped up after you having watched American History X. I was reading a fascinating article on Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing yesterday, which is a film that always leaves my mind spinning on matter of race.

If you have any interest in comics/ graphics novels, you might find the 'Love and Rockets X' episode of the long running Love and Rockets comics series (which at first deals mainly a group of individuals in a fictional South American village, but relocates to LA, prompting a broadening of race representation). It's provocative at times, but touches on some of the ideas that you seem to be interested in! It's worth a read at least.

sprock wrote:At heart I think you know that individuals always transcend their demographic origins and you seem logically rigorous to the extent that I can't imagine this one reciprocated relationship will cause you to have racial bias in the future.

Interesting that this cropped up after you having watched American History X. I was reading a fascinating article on Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing yesterday, which is a film that always leaves my mind spinning on matter of race.

If you have any interest in comics/ graphics novels, you might find the 'Love and Rockets X' episode of the long running Love and Rockets comics series (which at first deals mainly a group of individuals in a fictional South American village, but relocates to LA, prompting a broadening of race representation). It's provocative at times, but touches on some of the ideas that you seem to be interested in! It's worth a read at least.

I thank you for the response you have left, which I am reading the day before a test which makes me anxious. I thank you for bringing up Do The Right Thing and Love and Rockets which I've seen and read about though tbh I'm not too interested in reading. I thank you for the response and the timing.

Thanks! Glad it helped settle jangled nerves! Best of luck with the test! ^^