OCD SIBLING GUILT

Hi there. I am sorry for the people I am going to offend by typing this, and I am sorry for ruining your day with this horrific story. I am a monster. Since I was born I have done nothing but love and praise all humans. It makes me sick knowing that there are evil people out there like me, and I have become the very monster I swore to protect all good people from. People really like me and always tell me I'm so sweet, but little do they know about my dark evil past. It makes me feel guilty to the point where I cant function. When I was 17, yes 17 , old enough to know right from wrong, after drinking a little that night (not to the point where I was drunk, but where I felt dazed), I touched my sister's leg, in her sleep, with my erect penis. She was 19 at the time. The next morning it hit me....WHAT THE ###$ DID I DO? I AM A SIBLING MOLESTOR. This was the only time I did it and Ill never do it again, but I Don't believe in mistakes. I ###$ up...eternally!! I tried to kill myself the following day but backed out like a pussy. What the bloody ###$ have I done to that poor girl.God shoot me now, God ######6 shoot me now. What have I become. I am the monster I swore to kill. I am sorry to my lovey sister who was totally violated and dint deserve that. I cant even look my laughing loving sister the same anymore. I am sorry to my parents who have loved me unconditionally and this is how I repay them . I am sorry to the people of the forum who I have bothered with this, out of my own sick selfishness. How can I go on living a lie like this? I don't deserve love. I cant get these thoughts out my head. I just had to confess this somewhere. I was always meant to be a monster I guess. There are those who are just born evil. I am sorry for spreading this negativity to you guys.

Oh me you do not sound like a monster to me!

You did a really crazy thing, no harm done, you're properly remorseful, I'd put it down to being drunk and dumb and never do anything like that again, and put it behind me.

It can be very hard not to beat ourselves up over things like this. The mind starts up with what-it's.... what if I'd been a little more drunk? What if I'd done more....?

It's like narrowly missing a train at a crossing, because you foolishly went for it. You're shook up, and you know it was really really stupid. But you've escaped and no one was harmed. Make it a learning experience, mijo.