Please help

This is not something I'm proud of, I hate myself for doing it
I'm a teen..I've been holding off on posting this for weeks now , I'm terrified at what people will say. when I was 7 I had found out what sex was from a friend.I went home thinking about it and wondered what it was like.When I got home I rubbed my cats mouth on my private.He was struggling a little bit , not a lot, but enough to call it forcing. A couple months later I let my cat out because he was sitting by the door.After ,my family was wondering where he was cause he hadn't shown up in 3 days.Me and my sister saw him outside in the grass puking .He ended up dieing days later as me and my family tryed to help him , nothing worked , he could barley walk and it was obvious something was severely wrong.My mom was going to pay 300+ dollars to take him somewhere to get help but we decided that he was in very bad condition and no treatment or medicine could help.I felt awful when a neighbor found him dead in their yard, I started thinking about what I had done.Ever since I have felt alone and empty inside, I can't tell anyone , I'm afraid to Whenever I talk to my parents or sisters I wonder what they would think of me after I tell them what I did.Everyday I think: Why did I do it? I know better now and I would never ever do it :/ what do I do? I feel like such a bad person , like there's a seat in hell with my name on it.

Hi

Thank you for sharing your experience - I can see just how hard that was for you and I think it was really brave of you to put this down in words.

It's clear that you're feeling really guilty and shame about what you did and that those feelings are haunting you. It seems that you're blaming yourself for your cat becoming unwell and dying. These are such painful difficult feelings.

I think it's important to remember you were just a child and you didn't mean to hurt your cat. It sounds like you were just being curious, which is natural and children don't have that many things around to enact their curiosity with. I really don't think what happened was your fault and in all likelihood the cat probably didn't know what was happening.

I don't think you're a bad person and I think it is really ok for you to have had sexual curiosity because that's human. You did choose an unsuitable object - but how could you have known? I wish I could take some of the shame away because you don't deserve to feel that way. You aren't alone - you've shared a really important feeling and I hope that you can find away to forgive your child self.

Take care and best wishes,

Lisa

Ty for replying I feel better but still hate myself for doing that It was sick of me to do.I felt so nasty as I wrote all of that.What makes it even worse is that I am kinda addicted to masturbating after my first orgasm I can't stop -Asickfreak

Also I knew what sex was and I had gotten alot of info about it at school I was 7 not 3, old enough to know the difference from right and wrong and what I did to that cat was not right and I knew that before I decided to do it.I may have been a kid but it wouldn't make a difference if I did it last week, I still did it and I still would have the same guilty feeling .Its like killing someone, you kill them , right after you realize what you have done was wrong and you start to feel guilty .My family still talks about that poor kitty cat and it makes me feel so terrible :[ It has had a major affect on me when ever I see cats and it brings what I did back up in my mind .I don't want to think about this anymore.How would you feel if you were a cat and your caring owner took you and forcefully rubbed you on something like that? That poor innocent kitty :[

Honestly, it absolutely makes a difference that you were 7. You are projecting your moral system as it is now onto a 7-year-old child whose brain was nowhere near developed. There is a good reason why the legal system of all civilised countries doesn't hold 7-year-old accountable for their actions.

Moreover, your cat honestly would not have understood what you were doing... it wouldn't have felt trauma in the way a human child would - it was probably just irritated and confused. The fact that they died has absolutely nothing to do with you - it's a sad coincidence that you have read too much into, I promise.

I'm sure you wouldn't judge any other 7-year-old so harshly. There is nothing wrong with you. Your masturbation is hurting anyone and it's clear you're no danger to animals. Perhaps you could donate to a cat rescue shelter or something.