I know that there are a lot of similar topics on the forum but I wanted to tell my story.
Recently an old memory came to me regarding my younger sister. I am an 18 year old female, and my sister is three years younger than me.
I have a memory of being naked in bed with her. I'm not sure how old I was but I think around 7/8. I remember playing games like "birth" and "boyfriend and girlfriend". I know I was the one that made up the games. I had a friend who was obsessed with sexual stuff so I guess I got it from her and the media. I also remember kissing her, simulating "making out" like the older people on tv. My memory is fuzzy but I only think this happen twice over a short period of time. I'm pretty sure I had no idea what sex actually was or what it meant because after I found out that's where babies come from, I was scared I was going to get pregnant (obviously not the case).
Now I'm overcome with the guilt. I already had depression, social anxiety and was suicidal prior to remembering thing but now it's 10x worth. I'm a horrible person that does not deserve anything in the world and I just want to end it all. My social anxiety makes it hard to have friends, as I was severely bullied as a kid so my family is all I have. If I tell my parents, I know they'll be furious with me. I'm just really worried about my sister and if she remembers any of this. She says she doesn't remember much of her childhood but I'm scared she thinks I raped her or something. She means the world to me, my one job was to protect her from the world and I messed it up. Please help me, I don't want to live like this anymore. I can't go an hour without remembering it and wanting to die.