I feel like I am a child molester when I was young.guil

I am a 25 year old male. I made a horrible mistake when I was a child and I do not know the ramifications of my actions or if I am over reacting. Here is the story:

When I was 10 years old, my cousins were over for a sleep over. I asked my youngest cousin who is 5 years my junior if she wanted to kiss me. We were sitting close to each other and alone and I asked her to come closer to me. We kissed. It was more of a peck and that was it. After that she walked away.

When it was later in the night, I asked again and she said no. No kiss happened.

I want to emphasize that I did not touch her. I did not hold her down or anything. All it was was a kiss and this only happened once. I did not lie on top of her. I did not do anything besides "peck" her.

I feel guilty because I feel as though I am a terrible cousin. This was a one time scenario but I still feel like I violated her. She does not appear to hate me now but I know that she could just be putting on a face. Again, I did not touch any part of her.

This thought came up because my current girlfriend was sexually molested when she was younger and she has had problems with it growing up. He scenario is much more violent than my scenario but it caused these memories to come back up and flare up my guilt.

I have no idea why I did what I did. I cannot tell you what was going through my mind. Should I apologize to my cousin? How do I get over my guilt? Any help would be appreciated.

Relax , it was perfectly harmless and normal. You were a child , she was a child , i am sure its not on her mind. If you are having trouble getting over this , then you might want to look up intrusive thoughts and OCD , which would explain why you are obsessing over this soo much. Go in peace brother.

Thanks for the reply. I think what is really getting to me is the fact that she walked away. It makes sense why she would walk away because that is a normal reaction but what is getting to me is that maybe she was scared. I do not want to emotionally scar her.

I know I am no child molester but I guess what is not settling well in my stomach is that she may be suffering now and her family probably does not know. Our families are very close. She has never seemed to shy away from me or anything.

I think what I may have done is child molestation because I "tricked" her. I made her come close to me and I asked her to give me a kiss. I think this can be considered a trick because she was so young. I am just scared that she is suffering.

Thank you for your reply Ghoul. I very much appreciate it.

no problem , your suffering is my suffering.

I think you just need to talk to her about it. Sure it was a trick , but it was a harmless one , just a peck right? It wasn't as if you wanted to kiss her the same way I would want to a child. Would hearing her say that it's all right make you feel better?

I think where all this obsessive thoughts are coming from is that I am severely stressed with school. I am doing my masters program and it is very hard on the mind and body.

I do not think bringing it up with her is the best idea because of how young she was, she may not even remember it. If she does, I do not want to bring up any ill thoughts. Essentially, what might make me feel better may make her feel worse and my only wish is for her to be happy. And what you have said, a kiss being harmless, I think its generally true. All she may remember is a peck. I do not remember any relative kissing me when I was 4 or 5. She most likely does not remember and I am over thinking it.

If anyone wants to give me a different perspective, I would love to hear it. I do not want to justify anything so if something I said is wrong, I would like to know.

Thanks Ghoul once again. All your help is greatly appreciated and I run what you say through my head every day to make myself feel better. In addition, if anyone else posts, your thoughts will always be with me.

Thanks guys. I will do my best to post more to this forum and help others because I do not believe people are evil. Mistakes happen and anyone asking for help deserves it.

I totally think that stress can increase obsessive thinking and I'm really glad you recognise that! You actually seem to have a pretty logical outlook on the situation when you are calm so try to hold onto that.

Hey, I just want everyone to know that you have to get past what happened. For everyone who is going to read this thread, I was feeling very anxious and guilty for what was posted as well as some other things. I know a lot of you are filled with remorse but you have to move forward. I almost ruined a beautiful relationship with my girlfriend because I could not move forward as a person. She told me that she did not want to be with someone who is still living in the past. She wants to love me, not me 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago. She wants to love me for who I am at this very moment.

What I am trying to get at is do not be the person you were how ever long ago. Use that as a learning experience. Do not necessarily forget what happened. If you fail a test, that does not mean that you are a failure. It only means you are a failure if you let it make you think that. Do I still feel guilt? A little. Do I still get caught up with things of what happened in the past? Of course and I imagine most people do. What I am learning to do now is learn to not obsess about it. Its okay to think about the past, just do not obsess over it.

Thanks for everyones help. Even if you did not post to this thread specifically, I have read many other threads and just knowing that I am not the only one makes me feel like I am not the only one.