I hit my GF idk what to do

Ok so about a week ago me and my gf got into a huge argument and I ended up hitting her before I go into that story I have to say how we started out. I met her while visiting a friend of mine that attends the same college as her I got her Instagram we ended up exchanging numbers and so on . we started to talk but she had a bf at the time and her bf was constantly cheating on her and I already knew that but she was so beautiful and I wanted her so bad I didn't care I just wanted to show her I was the better guy for her.

So we talked for some months and she eventually left her bf they would talk again here and there and I would be upset about it but it would pass but there was a point where he came to her house while I was there with a gun I didnt see him but my gfs sister and her held him back while I was in her room then she came to the room and told me what was going on and at that point I was done I didn't wanna lose my life over her being irresponsible. But she decided she was truly gonna be with me and after that things were excellent until this one night where I was gonna post something on her Instagram so I went on her phone and noticed her ex was in her recent contacts and I lost it she admitted she talked to him and I hit her. I felt bad about it but I just felt after the last incident she didn't have any respect for me or valued my life if he came with a gun.

But I ended up bringing her flowers the next day and promised I wouldn't do it again and things smoothed over but recently to this point we've been together for a year and about a week ago we were lying in bed and I look over at her while she's on her phone and a txt comes in from her ex and I look at the messages and its just him saying he found out his dad cheated on his mom and she's reaching out to him a lot and I lost it again and ended up hitting her because she wasn't explaining herself so I figured she was cheating on me because they were talking the whole weekend and she didn't say anything about it to me she usually started telling me when he got in contact with her.

So we stopped talking for a few days then she calls me dead drunk saying I hurt her and don't feel remorse about it and she was saying her ex told her he's having a baby and she didn't wanna put him down that's why she didn't tell me but I love her besides that nonsense with her ex she treats me good and I want to be with her but she says she's afraid of me now and doesn't know what to do I can tell she's really damaged. I want to fix things but idk what to do can someone help me

Hey There,

Just wanted to say welcome to the community and thank you for sharing your story.

From what I have just read this sounds like a rather unhealthy relationship and reminds me of one that I encountered for 4 years.

I think you were absolutely in the wrong to act out physically, and I think you should do you utmost not to let it happen again. I would recommend noticing the emotions you feel when you feel aggressive towards her and trying to change the way you express these as violence is very rarely the best solution (although I'm sure you are aware of that). Although I do understand that sometimes our impulses can lead to us making some terrible mistakes, but as long as you recognise these errors and look to making a mends You can forgive yourself.

However, I think you both have a lack of trust in your relationship and maybe you feel threatened by the fact that her ex will go so far to take a gun into her house. I don't think this will be healthy for either of you until he is completely out of the picture.

In all honesty I was in something similar, and it this might hurt but I think it is best that you guys end it rather than trying to continue. I think it is a dangerous situation for you both and I think jealousy and mistrust is poisoning your relationship. This may not be something that you can fix, as it seems you have already tried.

I wish the best for you both

I think you need to break off the relationship and apologetically end contact with your girlfriend. It's okay for things to come to an end. Otherwise, a relationship counsellor could help, but you really have to own your abusive behaviour (which I think you are trying to do by posting on this forum, to your credit). I think the most helpful thing for you would be to work through some of this with a therapist who specialises in anger management. Good luck.

Basically you need to get some help so that you do not behave in this way again. Unfortunately, once this happens, it usually happens again. You obviously do not want to be that kind of person, so please get some help.