Do you feel deserving,Do you refrain from things because it?

I've posted here and left my story and a huge part of it is feeling undeserving of things; which I refrain from entirely. Things such as video games, music, being social, doing anything literally for the reason of fun.

My question is, do you refrain from things like I? Do you feel undeserving enough to refrain from fun activities?

If you read my first post back in June, you will know where I am coming from.

-- Fri Oct 02, 2015 9:02 am --

Oh, I also forgot to put that I go as far as to not want to even look good, or attractive.

Yes I still do feel like this sometimes. More mind games.

This is just another irrational side-effect of remorse, a distortion from our life-long obsession with punishment and reward (entitlement). The truth is, by withholding pleasure on the grounds of self punishment or some abstract concept of being "undeserved", nothing changes. Nothing gets better or worse in the world. It is a futile gesture that nobody can appreciate.

The faulty reasoning behind withholding pleasure is that you are somehow making up for your past wrongs simply by feeling bad. But of course, there is no link between your pleasure (or lack thereof) and any tangible amends you could make. You making yourself feel bad is ultimately a form of self indulgence in itself. It can only be experienced subjectively.

What are the rational outcomes of remorse? At the least, that you put right the wrong you caused or, where that isn't possible, create more good than you would have without the remorse. Whether or not you enjoy life in the process has absolutely no bearing on that.

Self punishment is futile. Pleasure at no expense to anyone is neutral and creates a zero deficit.

I know where you're coming from, but it's just another game your mind plays, perhaps in an overcompensatory attempt to preserve resources, because if you can convince yourself that withholding pleasure and feeling bad is enough of an amendment, you don't actually need to spend time and energy making a real difference in the world.

Don't fall for it.

It kind of feel's harder knowing that I'm not alone in thinking this way... if that makes since. As if the rationale for feeling this way is correct because others feel it too. I understand Psychopaths or Sociopaths probably don't feel this way or anything in the family of remorse for that matter, but others who feel bad about this stuff make me consider the fact that it may be correct in feeling this way. Like if I do start feeling better, well hey, others feel bad for childhood actions. But i don't know if others are as severely neglectful I am of myself.

You wouldn't be alone for thinking a lot of things. It doesn't necessarily make those thoughts healthy, rational or productive.

Sometimes you have to look at where your thoughts and feelings are taking you and what purpose they serve.

Try to dig a little deeper into the feeling in the context of what you are - a complex biological organism. What is the true purpose of this feeling? To what ends does it serve? Why might your brain be delivering such feelings?

Feelings don't just come from the ether. More often than not, feelings are the front for a specific biological function that is under threat, a bit like how a warning light on your car's dashboard indicates something isn't right under the hood. In terms of remorse, the bad feelings are warning you that your behaviour could threaten your place within the "tribe". This is how we have evolved to be wired. How else could we explain the capacity to feel remorse? It is linked to our survival as a species.

The solution is simple. Scratch as many backs as you can. Co-operate. Help your fellow wo/man. This will trigger an opposite, positive feeling. It will give you peace and fulfilment.

If you become introverted and wallow in self pity/punishment, your brain will continue to deliver the bad feelings ad nauseam because you're not doing anything to counter them. You're not giving it the signals it needs to deliver the feel good chemicals.

Get to the true source of the feeling and you will see what the rational outcome is. Mind games such as "I've done something wrong therefore I should abstain from pleasure" occur because you're not identifying the true source of the feeling. Your mind is trapped in some kind of circular reasoning that you now believe to be true.

I'm still unsure how to get over it and if I should. Should I feel this way? Will people hate me for the things I did from ages 8-12?

The vast majority of people won't hate you for things you did at that age. A tiny minority might... and that's okay - even if a handful of people hate you, that doesn't define you and in this case the majority is on your side. You're fine.

The undeserving factor is prevalent though. My thoughts won't allow me to enjoy things. Should I think that way? Or should I enjoy things that I like to do?

And I think what if the family I've told secretly hates me or something?

-- Sun Oct 25, 2015 11:45 am --

Or if any of my siblings secretly hate me?

-- Sun Oct 25, 2015 11:46 am --

And also what if the family I haven't told, what if they would hate me?

If your thoughts are stopping you from enjoying things then work on changing how you identify with thought.

What is a thought?

Where does it come from? Can you pinpoint the exact moment a thought arises?

Where does it go? Can you pinpoint the exact moment a thought dissolves or changes?

Have you ever tried to think while you're looking as far into the bottom right corner of your visual field as you can?

Thought only has power when you give it your attention and actively follow it.

Would others feel undeserving at the extent I do? Or is it just me? Should I feel this way?

You can see that others feel the same way on this forum. I did and still have those thoughts pop up occasionally.

You seem to be saying that if many people think something then it must be right. If you believe that is the best way to live your life (i.e. groupthink) then I wish you all the best. I personally don't see thoughts as necessarily "right" or "wrong" or any rational purpose for believing something solely based on whether or not other people believe it.