Do you feel deserving,Do you refrain from things because it?

I've made amends with everyone. No one remembers or cares, or so they say. I was abused before all of this though.

What's your situation specifically?

-- Mon Nov 02, 2015 12:53 am --

I don't know the age of criminal responsibility. But my therapist and others told me there's no way legally I could get in trouble.

Pretty much the same situation as you. How old were you when you first got therapy and are you in the U.S.? They didn't report anything?

Every state here reports anything especially if it has to do with a child.

Yes US. Initially I went when I was 10 and later went to a different one around 21.

-- Mon Nov 02, 2015 6:29 pm --

Maybe because I was a child too. Of course they would report an adult if they did it.

Why would your gf be so upset?

What did your therapist at when you were 21 say when you told them what you did? When I was a kid I was afraid of telling my parents but I feel as if I should have so that things could have been fixed earlier. Now as an adult I don't see any options for help.

She's afraid that I'm not telling the truth and can't empathize with why I did it and therefore can't trust me. She's seeing a counselor on her own to discuss things. I spent 6 years with her being genuine, no unhealthy attractions, no need to control myself, just a real me that doesn't make choices from before.

My therapist just tried to talk to me about it and my childhood... Ended up with that the reason I did what I did was because I was abused. Which was way worse than anything I've done.

So your GF judges an 11 year old you? Really? Or was it a serious or traumatic experience for the other person?

My action was serious either way. She was young and our relationship is strong and we text every now and then. I apologized before going to college vaguely for letting her down. Then this summer when my conscience hit me hard I apologized thoroughly and made sure she knew it was my fault and that she isn't deficient and can find help if she needs and I'd back her up.

I can't blame my gf. It seems like alot of the people posting here are in a similar boat, but to outsiders nobody would want to take the time to understand why people like us do the things we do. Sure there may be past abuse, ADHD, OCD but it all boils down to us doing something bad. I guess I refrain from deserving things b/c now with losing my gf who was really close I feel like I have to judge myself b/c society doesn't know what I did.

You should consider yourself lucky that you're getting therapy and going through things with a professional. I envy you greatly in that regard.

If you are seriously distraught, see a therapist. I don't understand why your gf would react that way.

So do you do anything joyful? What's a typical day?

I'd love to see a therapist, but even when I do walk ins they open that they'll have to report any past abuse so it's not an option unfortunately.

The only joyful things I do is watch any new episodes of my tv shows but the past few weeks I've been staying in my bed unless I have a required class I have to attend. It's usually just been staying in my bed searching for threads for people that are going through similar things and I feel like I've honestly searched the entire internet at this time.

Where would they get by reporting an 11 year olds abuse? Maybe they mean for adults? Was it abuse, did the other party experience it as abuse? Have you talked to any family? How was your life before this depression? I'm guessing the only thing that changed is yr mindset.

It's a technicality. Rules are if I talk about something I did I get reported but if the person I hurt feels they need to talk about it later and they turn 18 then they can talk about it without it getting reported (I feel selfish for thinking about it like that).

The other party from what I gather doesn't remember it much and "forgives" me but I believe it's too early for them and I told them that they don't have to feel bad if they change their mind or dislike me in the future. I only talked to my ex about it. Yeah it was the mindset that changed. For a while I was able to ignore it b/c I didn't do anything wrong for all those years but then it kind of hit me when my girlfriend out of nowhere said she appreciated how I was caring in bed and made her feel comfortable sexually. When she said that it suddenly hit me just how serious of an issue I might have created with the person I hurt. That's when I confessed to my ex and apologized to the person I hurt in full.

Now my life is pretty much on a tailspin. I'm trying an online therapist to try to maintain some type of anonymity via paying through cash and them not seeing me but I can only talk about abuse that happened to me even if I do consider it minor. At least then maybe I can find out why I did the things I did but not necessarily work out the key issue directly. It's better than nothing I suppose.