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Do you feel deserving,Do you refrain from things because it?

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Re: Do you feel deserving,Do you refrain from things because it?

Postby Heartfullofguilt2 » Tue Oct 27, 2015 2:08 am

Thanks.

Does anyone feel this or is it just me, like someone might hate you so much for this stuff that they would hurt or maybe even kill you? Because I've seen articles about people killing like sex offenders. Even though the sex offenders are adults and criminally responsible it seems plausible that someone who is crazy may do something like this?
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Re: Do you feel deserving,Do you refrain from things because it?

Postby epiphany55 » Tue Oct 27, 2015 3:14 pm

If they're truly unstable they might hurt anyone for any reason. You've more risk of being run over by a bus.

Nevertheless, a good rule of thumb, for anyone, is try not to say anything that might get you killed. That should be easy enough. There is no reason to tell a random, twitchy eyed stranger about your past.
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Re: Do you feel deserving,Do you refrain from things because it?

Postby sprock » Wed Oct 28, 2015 5:29 pm

Well, as you mention, the vigilantes who have killed sex offenders target adult offenders. Moreover, it is worth noting that they aren't necessarily sympathetically regarded by the public. John Bunting (the real life vigilante who forms the focus of the film Snowtown) isn't much beloved and, in many quarters, is despised.

Plus, the fact remains that the penalty for what you did (even if you had been an adult, rather than a young child) is not the death penalty. End of.
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Re: Do you feel deserving,Do you refrain from things because it?

Postby Heartfullofguilt2 » Wed Oct 28, 2015 7:31 pm

3 things.

1. Even though my therapist said I couldn't get into any trouble like legally for this, I feel maybe I could like in the future. Maybe if like they suddenly hate me.

2. Will the average person hate me for those 5 things? Or be extremely different around me? Or I don't know, want to hurt me? A lot of times I think what if my sisters boyfriend like finds out and hates me or wants to hurt me? A lot of times with family I feel awkward because of the stuff I told them, sometimes I wish I didn't say anything to my sister or brother or anyone because nobody remembered. I don't know, the hatred I feel pending from society is important to me.

3. Lastly, do I even deserve to get over it and use the tools given from my therapist? Do I deserve to enjoy music, games, family, friends, and stuff? If not what's the point to living? Honesty please.
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Re: Do you feel deserving,Do you refrain from things because it?

Postby epiphany55 » Thu Oct 29, 2015 2:20 am

You're going around in circles my friend. People have already told you what they think on both your threads. In summary...

Because you were a child when you did those things, the vast majority of people will not think badly of you or want to hurt you or be extremely different around you.

Yes, you deserve to enjoy all those things, and it's nobody's right or concern to take those things away from you.

Unless you did some kind of mass survey, there is no way of convincing you of the above. You're asking something that cannot easily be verified. You can spend your life asking people what they think of you if like. It will never satisfy you because you'll never be able to ask enough people or know if they are telling the truth. But if you want to discover that on your own then nobody can stop you.

Personally, I think you need to approach this completely differently.
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Re: Do you feel deserving,Do you refrain from things because it?

Postby souvlakispacestation » Thu Oct 29, 2015 11:33 pm

Heartfullofguilt2 wrote:3 things.

1. Even though my therapist said I couldn't get into any trouble like legally for this, I feel maybe I could like in the future. Maybe if like they suddenly hate me.

2. Will the average person hate me for those 5 things? Or be extremely different around me? Or I don't know, want to hurt me? A lot of times I think what if my sisters boyfriend like finds out and hates me or wants to hurt me? A lot of times with family I feel awkward because of the stuff I told them, sometimes I wish I didn't say anything to my sister or brother or anyone because nobody remembered. I don't know, the hatred I feel pending from society is important to me.

3. Lastly, do I even deserve to get over it and use the tools given from my therapist? Do I deserve to enjoy music, games, family, friends, and stuff? If not what's the point to living? Honesty please.


1: I'd honestly be amazed if you could find a judge somewhere that would charge you for what you did considering how long ago and relatively minor it was.

2: Idk, but I imagine they wouldn't. The "average person" doesn't exist, everyone reacts to things differently. I'm sure there are some people who would hate you, just as there are those who wouldn't really care.

3: Admittedly I'm struggling with this myself, but honestly on this point I think you need to take a purely selfish viewpoint. Hopefully, you should have a fair few years left in you. Why live out the rest of those decades in constant misery? I mean, it is you who's going to be experiencing it, and living in misery out of some misguided concept of self-flaggelation for the sake of the spectre of a public opinion that you've built up in your mind isn't going to help anyone - not yourself, not your family, and not a public that doesn't know and if it did probably wouldn't care too much - even if they were as disgusted as you fear they might be, they're not going to be dwelling on the fact that you're enjoying watching a film or reading a book or whatever - they've got way too many far more important concerns on their mind to be fixated on what one guy they'll have heard about is doing.
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Re: Do you feel deserving,Do you refrain from things because it?

Postby Heartfullofguilt2 » Sun Nov 01, 2015 9:08 pm

What if somewhere down the line I'm hated? I feel people would hate me and I don't think it's the ice but my actions as a child. Or like my sister or brother all of a sudden hate me in the future? Am I being too overly crazed?

It's hard for me to say I deserve to move on and enjoy things I used to. These last months have been hell and I'm just existing not living.

-- Sun Nov 01, 2015 3:26 pm --

Don't know if it makes a difference but, the thing with my older cousin, even though it was once it lasted like an hour. I wonder what she's thinks.
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Re: Do you feel deserving,Do you refrain from things because it?

Postby OMNICELL » Sun Nov 01, 2015 9:26 pm

"I've posted here and left my story and a huge part of it is feeling undeserving of things; which I refrain from entirely. Things such as video games, music, being social, doing anything literally for the reason of fun."

Hows it working for you! where will all this end up!

Q; will someone show up and rescue you! If they dont; then what?

Im in a vast recovery process in my life because of a number of things you've mentioned! I think for me the question is;

1. What are the tools to help me go from where I am to being a confident attractive person to myself, God, and others!

2. What will it take for me to become willing to do something for change in an area heading toward healing and not self death or doubt!

I must show up for my own recovery!

Guilt, depression, remorse! These are all things I slowly get help working through!

If it gets to bad, start with a therapist! and keep writing here at this site!
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Re: Do you feel deserving,Do you refrain from things because it?

Postby Heartfullofguilt2 » Sun Nov 01, 2015 10:14 pm

Im unsure how to respond.

-- Sun Nov 01, 2015 5:25 pm --

Though I've only spoken to him a few times in my life, I wonder if my dad would hate me?
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Re: Do you feel deserving,Do you refrain from things because it?

Postby redmorgan » Mon Nov 02, 2015 2:16 am

I haven't touched video games in weeks at this point and I've been unable to study.

I'm done making excuses and thinking that these tribulations I'm going through are hard. The fact of the matter is, there was someone on the other end of our actions that is hurting maybe just as much or more. Set aside your fears and what you have to give up and make sure things are right with them.

I know I feel like I don't deserve happiness and I feel that even if I were to go after happiness (continue to be successful in a career or find a new relationship) that it would be fake b/c nobody would know the truth about me and I'm sure you feel the same way. We had one life and we made mistakes early on heartfullofguilt2. It sucks but that's the reality of the situation. I wish I could say something more hopeful to you other than the fact that unfortunately you are not alone.
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