Overwhelming guilt because of what I did is effecting alot

Okay, so me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year but only made it official in like March(if that makes sense lol). So a few weeks after we made it official, he got sent to rehab brcause he was in a partial hospital program and he failed drug tests for Marijuana. We were devestated but it was only a few weeks. Suddenly,his sister texts me
teling me hes gonna be gone for 9 MONTHS! I asked why and his family acted weird and said he was getting sent to long term but i knew something was up. One day i got a call from an inmate at the county YDC, and It was HIM! He told me he was gonan explain when he got home. a girl at my
program I was at knew the sister and we bonded over the mutulness and then she said "Oh so you know why hes in jail? For molesting his sister right?" Suddenly my world crashed and I was hysterical. I had to be brought to the hospital for my panic attacks. My worst fear came true. He called mea dn I freaked our and told him i knew the truth, and he cried and told me the whole story. He was 12 and experimented with his sister and I came onto read this forum which helped a lot in knowing he isn't alone. Well, since he has been gone I've felt so confused and lonely and have cheated numerous times, enagig in mostly just online talk but a few instances sex. Hes been gone for 6 months and I've been manic for a lot of that time and have done a few drugs which made my manic episodes worse in attemptys to numb the pain. I slept with other guys and I have never felt so guilty, I just wanna die sometimes over it.. What do i do? I love him a lot uncondtionally, especially after learning this info. i just dont know if i should tell him because I ###$ up so bad and I wanna be wth him. I dis tel him about one time and it was a horrible fight, I performed oral on some kid from his town while tripping and blacking out, and we both agreed and also the people who were there i was taken advantage of, but i still fee so much guilt i let it happen.. any advice?.. Im a hotrible girlfriend and he doesnt feserve me.

You don't sound like a horrible girlfriend in the slightest! If anything, you sound remarkably non-judgmental and strong, considering the shock that the revelation must have caused you.

If you believe that your bf has changed since he was 12 (and the brain changes a lot from then so I don't think that someone should be judged for what they do as a child forever) and will never repeat his behaviour and you want to stay with him, I absolutely think you can do so and have every right to. Absolutely it sounds like in the instance you told him about you were taken advantage of (even abused, if you want to use such a word) and I think it is understandable that you have found this situation hard to cope with and have turned to drugs or sex for support, escape or comfort.

Personally speaking, I think his telling you that he was going to rehab for marijuana when he had actually been prosecuted for a sex crime committed when younger is far more of a breach of trust / deception than you "cheating" on him. I get the impression that you are also still pretty young (though you definitely don't have to say your age!) and so I think that it's not always sensible to get too serious and intense about someone being your "one true love" or "life partner". You want to stand by this guy and help him - considering the situation, that's more than enough.

Firstly, I think you need to practice self-care and look after yourself as best as possible. I don't think you need to see your bf anything in particular. If you do you could say that you've found the experience really hard and so you have seen other guys, but that at the end of the day you want to stay with him. But I don't really think you even need to say that. Just take a step back and work on feeling okay in yourself.

I don't understand how he could be sent to prison for that...

Well, 12 is within the age of criminal responsibility in many places. Personally, I don't like to see children imprisoned full stop - I think psychiatric care is far more appropriate and helpful in the long-term, but certainly his being imprisoned is within the bounds of the law by the sounds of it.

That seems so cruel...

Does that mean everyone on this forum posting this stuff is liable? I mean I know the age of criminal responsibility varies from state to state, but the moral obligation to be kind and caring to children should be overwhelming. A grownup now is not the kid they were.

Does that mean the Sister felt bad and reported it later on, or is it more serious than what you have heard? And you said the sister texted you, was that the same one? Seems odd, but I don't know.

There are statutes of limitations in a lot of places (specifically for acts committed as a child) but not in all. As said, personally I don't like the criminalisation of children full stop. But I can understand the desire for incarceration - I'm just not sure it is helpful or necessarily always just when it comes to kids.