Did I abuse this kid?

Hi there. Lately I've been feeling very guilty for something I did in the past.

When I was either 9 or 10, I used to go play with my friend's little brother (he was about 3 or 4 years old) whenever none of my other friends were around. He had cool toys and stuff, so it was pretty fun.

Here's the messed up part that haunts my mind: For some weird reason I decided to stick my penis in his butt. It was probably because of a porn tape a friend of mine showed me that depicted anal sex, so I was probably curious and wanted know how it felt. The second I did it, I knew what I was doing was wrong and stopped right there! I felt disgusted with myself, but the kid just laughed and we kept on playing like normal.

I don't think I affected the kid's life in any way. I see him rarely and when I do we usually just say hi politely and that's it. He looks happy with his life, has good grades in school, plays football and seems to have a lot of friends. I see his parents almost everyday and they never mentioned anything to me.

So, should I just move on? I feel like I just need to know someone else's opinion on this since I never told anyone.

Any help would be appreciated.

Hi

Thanks for sharing your experience and for your openness and bravery.

It seems that you know that you did something that was very wrong and that it has haunted you for years and you feel really bad about it. You were also just a kid yourself and it seems that you didn't intend any harm.

I guess the question is whether you feel it is time to forgive yourself - perhaps the years of beating yourself up about it have been quite a severe punishment in themselves? It certainly seems that you feel it might be time to let go and move on by bringing it up here - it feels almost like a confession and a wish for forgiveness from this community rather than from the boy himself.

Only you can free yourself from the shame if you feel that it is time. It sounds like you wouldn't ever do anything like this again and understand now why it was a wrong and intrusive thing to do to someone.

Maybe consider how you would feel if a 9 year old boy told you that he had done this and felt incredibly bad about it - what might you feel about him and what would you say?

I hope things work out for you and you've been really brave by telling us about it.

Best wishes,

Lisa

PolarBearStare wrote:Hi

Thanks for sharing your experience and for your openness and bravery.

It seems that you know that you did something that was very wrong and that it has haunted you for years and you feel really bad about it. You were also just a kid yourself and it seems that you didn't intend any harm.

I guess the question is whether you feel it is time to forgive yourself - perhaps the years of beating yourself up about it have been quite a severe punishment in themselves? It certainly seems that you feel it might be time to let go and move on by bringing it up here - it feels almost like a confession and a wish for forgiveness from this community rather than from the boy himself.

Only you can free yourself from the shame if you feel that it is time. It sounds like you wouldn't ever do anything like this again and understand now why it was a wrong and intrusive thing to do to someone.

Maybe consider how you would feel if a 9 year old boy told you that he had done this and felt incredibly bad about it - what might you feel about him and what would you say?

I hope things work out for you and you've been really brave by telling us about it.

Best wishes,

Lisa

Thanks, Lisa, that helped a lot.

I guess I needed an outside perspective on this, since I didn't think I could trust my own opinion. You know how a crazy inmate screams how "not crazy" he is? That's how I felt about my position.

I have never done anything remotelly like this since, nor did I ever wish to do so, since I recognized how wrong it was.

I guess all I needed was to get this off my chest. Once again I want to thank you! You've been a great help!

Cheers!