Am I an abuser or just a normal curious kid?

When I was 13 and my cousin Jeff was 9 we began experimenting sexually. It started off as just touching and eventually led into oral sex. It never went any further than that. It was always consensual.

I feel so guilty about this. I feel like I'm a child abuser or a monster. This behavior continued over a course of 7 years and was off and on. I feel guilty about being a 16 year old and having oral sex with a 12 year old or being 18 and having oral sex with a 14 year old. Am I terrible? Him and I have discussed this and he feels he is responsible as well as he partook and initiated in most of our hook ups. He is cool with it and told me that he looked it up and everyone does it. I feel terrible about it.

I'm now 22 and we haven't done anything in almost a year and nor do I plan on doing anything. I have been seeing a therapist for 9 months now regarding this and it helps but I still feel like I did something really bad.

Experimentation in children is quite common. Do not torture yourself over this friend! Yes, your actions were inappropriate, however, they were not done out of malice or evil. You were children, and should be allowed to move on from your past. Forgive yourself .

I think since you were within 5 years of each other, your cousin seems to earnestly feel that he is okay with what happened and that there wasn't manipulation or coercion, you can afford to cut yourself some slack. You're no monster.

WHat you did was wrong and CAN be detrimental. Not gonna lie, however, all you can do now is forgive yourself and vow to never do such again. Get the good out of the bad...

I don't feel you did anything wrong. You both consented to an activity that proved pleasurable.

I would recommend to not go back to doing it in case of pregnancy but I see no trespass.

-- Sun Sep 06, 2015 6:11 pm --

I don't feel you did anything wrong. You both consented to an activity that proved pleasurable.

I would recommend to not go back to doing it in case of pregnancy but I see no trespass.

Maligan12 wrote:I don't feel you did anything wrong. You both consented to an activity that proved pleasurable.

I would recommend to not go back to doing it in case of pregnancy but I see no trespass.

-- Sun Sep 06, 2015 6:11 pm --

I don't feel you did anything wrong. You both consented to an activity that proved pleasurable.

I would recommend to not go back to doing it in case of pregnancy but I see no trespass.

Come on....he was significantly older, it was wrong and can be detrimental, luckily it wasn't though

-- Sun Sep 06, 2015 10:17 pm --

Ethereal_Dreams wrote:

Maligan12 wrote:I don't feel you did anything wrong. You both consented to an activity that proved pleasurable.

I would recommend to not go back to doing it in case of pregnancy but I see no trespass.

-- Sun Sep 06, 2015 6:11 pm --

I don't feel you did anything wrong. You both consented to an activity that proved pleasurable.

I would recommend to not go back to doing it in case of pregnancy but I see no trespass.

Come on....he was significantly older, it was wrong and can be detrimental, luckily it wasn't though

However, he's certainly not a monster, but he must see his behavior for what it was, and move on. He clearly didn't know

Personally speaking, I think the +5 years and older age difference distinction made in a lot of medical, psychiatric and sociological literature in terms of terms something as 'child abuse' or 'peer abuse' makes a certain amount of sense.

Certainly, reeses was inappropriately older, but I also think it wouldn't be right or accurate to classify him alongside a paedophilic child abuser.

I guess I am reminded of the Kaitlyn Hunt case where there was a 4-year age difference between herself and the younger child. I didn't 100% agree with either the camp for or against.

I definitely agree that the OP can look back on his behaviour with regret but should also be allowed some distance from his past self. reeses, I definitely think you can and should be able to live with yourself

How does one move on though? My cousin has forgiven me for what has happened and told me to put it in the past. I just keep thinking some time down the road I'm going to get in trouble and no one will listen and just want to punish me. I think my feelings are shame based but am I paranoid or what?

reeses13go wrote:How does one move on though? My cousin has forgiven me for what has happened and told me to put it in the past. I just keep thinking some time down the road I'm going to get in trouble and no one will listen and just want to punish me. I think my feelings are shame based but am I paranoid or what?

Yes. It was way down the road you simply didn't know and never engage in such acts now. Keep reminding yourself that we're humans and we mess up, what matters is that we learn.

reeses13go wrote:How does one move on though? My cousin has forgiven me for what has happened and told me to put it in the past. I just keep thinking some time down the road I'm going to get in trouble and no one will listen and just want to punish me. I think my feelings are shame based but am I paranoid or what?

If you cousin has forgiven you then I think it is unlikely to cause you trouble in the future. I think it is appropriate that you should look back on your behaviour with regret, but also allow yourself some distance since you are now older and have been forgiven. You don't have to live each day in a constant state of anxiety or fear, which wouldn't benefit anyone, including your cousin