Something that I did... How bad was it?

I've recently been feeling really bad about something that I did about 10 years ago, when I was 14-ish. I used to ba ysit by next door neighbour alot right from when she was born, she was more like a little sister to me. At this time she was probably around 3.

It was at the stage where lots of people my age were starting to get boyfriends and girlfriends and I felt very inexperienced and insecure... Id never kissed anyone before and i think it was this that led me one day when no-one was there to ask her if she wanted me to kiss her. She said yes, obviously not really comprehending, and I then kissed her on the lips, definitely inappropriately. I DEFINITELY didn't feel attracted to her, never had before, never wanted to do anything since, feel totally disgusted with myself and feel like crying now when I think about it. I can't even believe that I did that now, I always consider myself a good person and then I remember this and feel like a total criminal! How bad do you think this is? How can I move past my guilt?

Go easy on yourself. If this is the extent of your story, I don't see any reason to hammer yourself with guilt. It was an impulsive act that probably had little impact on her (it was a kiss - and I'm sure she had many of those up to that point). You see it badly because you understood the context and your emotions at the time, and what you were thinking.

On the other hand having these deep feeling about such an incident this much later after the event, might mean that other things are in play (depression, anxiety, etc). If you are finding that you are spiraling down, so to speak, you should probably get some outside help.

If it is truly just this memory getting you down, as I said, I don't see any abuse in this, or anything really bad.

Otter.

Cbear321 wrote:How can I move past my guilt?

Can you talk to her about it?

Personally speaking, I don't think what you did was very bad. A little inappropriate perhaps, but not something for you to be beating yourself over a decade later.