Please help. Life is spiraling.

I don't know where to begin. I don't even know what is wrong with me. All my life I have lived feeling inadequate and unloved.I am 25 years old, I have a lot of great friends, a supportive family, and a great girlfriend. Yet, I still feel empty, still can't find what motivates me, still searching for something. I was diagnosed with ADD in high school so I know some things can be explained by that.

I was raised in a good home by good parents who instilled important beliefs and values in me. But, alas, I lie to just about everyone especially my parents. I take the easy way out in everything and have a decent job that I do not take seriously yet somehow have managed to be promoted to a manager. I can't control any impulses and often spend money I dont have and get myself into debt.

I often cruise the web looking for internet porn. I go on craigslist and backpage to find hookers but have never called. I have cheated on almost every girlfriend that i have ever had. I know some people say you can't love someone if you cheat on them and I 100 percent disagree. I love my girlfriend very much more than I do myself but can't control my impulses and my urges. I smoke weed every night event though it often makes me feel anxious or depressed.

The adderall I take often makes me feel crazy and emotionless. I smoke the weed to calm myself but take the adderall to get my energy up. I get drunk and text women that I shouldn't or make advances that I shouldn't and do not want to. I have had a year long affair with a married woman that constantly makes me feel like I am the worst person alive and always makes me want to stop yet for whatever reason I just am unable to fully stop even though deep down I do not want any of these things. I want to be motivated, I want to stop cheating, I want to get out of debt, I want to stop smoking weed, and most importantly I want to be a good person.

The questions for me are how do I do these things? Is it too late for me? Am i sick or am I just a bad person? And why would anyone want to help me when I, so clearly from this reading and after rereading it myself, am just a terrible despicable human being. There is so much more for me to say but don't have enough time and I keep everything in at all times. I just want to be free of these demons and be the little kid I see in photos with the smile that makes their parents proud. I want to be the best man possible for my girlfriend as I would be forever lost without her. I want to be good. Please help.

First thing - you clearly aren't the worst person alive. Cheating on someone is a bit #######5, but it's certainly not tantamount to abuse or violence and neither is it illegal. In fact, I think you biggest problem right now is that you keep telling yourself that you're a bad person. I didn't get that impression from reading your thread. I think you're listless perhaps, but you don't seem bad to me.

I think getting yourself off the adderall and weed would be a good start, though I appreciate it's easier said than done. It might sounds corny, but are you getting enough exercise, sleep and healthy food? It's irritating how much of a difference those things can make, but my best friend has ADD and while he likes to think he is wholly in control of his own mind and moods, it's remarkable the effect a good night's sleep has on him! Me also!

I think it's pretty normal to feel directionless at 25. Do you have any hobbies or interests outside of work? Also, are there more things you could do together with your girlfriend?

Sorry this isn't the most useful first message in reply - I'm just trying to get a sense of things here. You're absolutely not a lost cause though! Definitely!