Any point in admitting past animal abuse/murder?

When I was a child I killed two of the family pets. The first was our cat when I was 8, the second was my sister’s terrier when I was 10. Nobody knows it was me, though there were times when my mother and sister hinted suspicion toward me. I'm now in my twenty’s and recently watched my friend’s two kittens while she went on holiday.

I’d never gave much thought to killing those pets, and I do like animals (I won’t go into a long-winded explanation about how I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s true). When I took my friends kittens at the weekend I started thinking about the cat. They are the same colour he was, and one has the same eyes.

And now I feel awful. I really do feel ashamed for the first time. I gave the kittens back this morning but can’t stop feeling like a piece of $#%^. I know I can’t change what I did, but have the urge to do something. I’ve been looking online and a lot of places suggest ‘coming clean’ and admitting to my family that I killed our pets, namely to my sister as the dog was hers.

I just feel that since it has been over fifteen years, would it not be crueller on my part to admit this to my sister? And if she tells her friends and it gets out, then there’s the chance that I could be harassed. Hell, I could be attacked; people have far more compassion and sympathy for animals than they do people, if everyone in my life found out how I killed them I could be a target for vigilante justice.

But then, I'm concerned if I don’t ‘get closure’ and admit it to my sister (and possibly my mother) then this ashamed feeling won’t go away. I feel I should punish myself through the act of telling people just so they can tell me what a horrible person I am and what a terrible kid I was. But like I said, as the victims were animals and not people, I fear that name-calling would be the least of my problems.

I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

There is always a point in seeking forgiveness. You acknowledge your humanity and the mistakes that you have made. The good thing is that you can move past it. Its obvious the only thing that will ease your mind is letting the ancient truth be known. Its been 15 years, and you were a child when you committed the act. It was wrong, but you see the evil in what you have done and are willing to move on and become a better person.

Thank you Zonofo.

I have decided to tell my sister. Here's hoping she doesn't lose it.

Decry wrote:Thank you Zonofo.

I have decided to tell my sister. Here's hoping she doesn't lose it.

You are very brave Decry. Moving on from your past and accepting yourself is difficult. But, its what we must do to live and give a better quality of life to those around us. Its the least we can do. Because in the end, everyone deserves happiness, regardless of past.

I don't think you have much to worry about - I doubt anyone would really try and hurt you cos you killed some animals when you were a kid.

You were a child. I think the best thing you can do now is to volunteer at an animal shelter or adopt a stray cat or dog. Looking after your sister's kittens strikes me as a great start.