relationship/topic164506.html
Please read this. I hope this does not count as a repost as this is another forum and I would like you, the moderators and the people coping with guilt to read my 'misadventures' and talk about it (maybe from a different perspective).
Sometimes I see "the light at the of the tunnel" and think of the following things:
- I only watched naked women that is similar to porn (which is OK according to my friends, girls and boys, note that I may come from a different country and culture compared to you) and only showed my ... once (btw my gf said something like she knows every man watches porn and it is ok)
- these 'things' only lasted for 10 minutes...
- I did not touch any women and did not want to do it
- I have already beaten up myself, chosen not to do this again, and confessed it (church)
- I really really love my gf and give her lots of things (love, help, etc...)
And in dark times I think:
- I am a cheater, a miserable, disgusting man, kind of criminal in the eyes of society
- I have done harm to a girl who is honest and she is an angel who has never committed any crime
- I cannot bear the weight of my things...
I am always thinking and please believe me that I thought watching those girls and etc. is not cheating... somehow. Somehow I managed to rationalize it. I just thought it is a kind of porn, Internet thing, virtuality like playing World of Warcraft. And I thought that I must masturbate in order not to cheat (lol) my gf.
Any help, insight, supportive opinion is appreciated.