coping with my guilt

I really don't know what to do. Some people say don't tell her (parents, priest, a woman I talked to about the issue) and some others say tell her. It is up to me what I will do.
I would like to read about the difference between your opinion when you thought that those girls were on porn cam sites and when you got to know that they were on chatroulette etc. Do you think this is a think that cannot be forgiven?

mandra wrote:I really don't know what to do. Some people say don't tell her (parents, priest, a woman I talked to about the issue) and some others say tell her. It is up to me what I will do.
I would like to read about the difference between your opinion when you thought that those girls were on porn cam sites and when you got to know that they were on chatroulette etc. Do you think this is a think that cannot be forgiven?

I can not judge if you can be forgiven because that is something only your girlfriend can decide. Yes, having "web sex"/"cam sex" on chatroulette is cutting a fine line of cheating and fantasy, and I would say its lands on the cheating side more then anything. I will say, from the looks of it, people closest to you are saying not to tell her just to preserve your reality. The goal of a wife, kids, normal life. The thing is, you really didn't do anything evil, but I would still bring this up with your girlfriend simply because if you dont YOU will be the one hurt in the long run. And in turn, will damage your realtionship anyway.

I can not judge you. I can not forgive you. because that is not in my power. The only one who has the power to give you the answers you want is your girlfriend.

Can you believe me that at that time these things happened I thought I do no harm to her and this is not cheating?

If I tell her it will hurt her, my parents and myself. If I don't tell her it will only hurt me. What do you think? By the way I don't think that I deserve an eternal torture for my guilty things. Or do I?

Please help me how to tell my parents and how to tell my girlfriend. What words to use and anything.

mandra wrote:Can you believe me that at that time these things happened I thought I do no harm to her and this is not cheating?

If I tell her it will hurt her, my parents and myself. If I don't tell her it will only hurt me. What do you think? By the way I don't think that I deserve an eternal torture for my guilty things. Or do I?

Please help me how to tell my parents and how to tell my girlfriend. What words to use and anything.

Im sure anyone with a heart will know you were naive and living out a fantasy in your head, while the reality of the situation was more real.

The bottom line is, even if you don't tell her your still going to be hurting her, with letting her live a life with her partner without knowing the truth of actions that are haunting him.

I can not give you words my friend, the words must come from your own heart. This is something, if you are going to tackle it, the words and thoughts must be yours and yours alone.

I told her. And she said that she doesn't think this is cheating and she knows I had sexual urges because we had no sex that time. She also said that she knows I watched porn. What do you say now? My guilt went away. But I am curious what do you think. Am I a bad person?

mandra wrote:I told her. And she said that she doesn't think this is cheating and she knows I had sexual urges because we had no sex that time. She also said that she knows I watched porn. What do you say now? My guilt went away. But I am curious what do you think. Am I a bad person?

First off, congratulations on having the courage to confess the truth. I know it wasn't easy, but you mustered the courage and did it! This is very good news to hear.

However, even if you claim you are not guilty, you are still wondering if you are a bad person. Which means you are still harboring guilt, just not to the extreme you originally were. Now, I assume you want society to judge you. Let me tell you friend, everyone has done good and evil in their life. Everyone. And everyone lives within a gray area of justice. What you have done truly isn't horrible in my opinion, and the only person it mattered to has forgiven you and is willing to push your relationship forward.

So no you are not a bad person. Are you perfect? No. I am not perfect either. No one is. But we can try out best to be the best people we can be. I wish you the best of luck friend, and if you need any more assistance feel free to PM me.

I think relationship counselling might be appropriate. What you did was not evil. You respected your gf in her decision not to have sex and did not badger or pressure her into it. You are a decent person. The webcam / sexting veered into the inappropriate, but was not abusive, illegal or terrible. You don't deserve to feel any guilt IMO but it may be the case that the relationship isn't right for either of you. I hope you can talk this through with your gf without putting any pressure on her or making her feel bad or getting too defensive. As said, I think relationship counselling could be the best way to achieve this.