Need help please

I'm 18 years old and need help with a few problemen in my life. When i was 14 i touched my sister when she was 5. I feel really sorry for this and don't know what to do. This happend a few times, i would touch her down there for a bit to look and sometimes put my genitials against hers to get a sort of fraction. Tegen nothing happend till i was got fifteen and touched her once. After that i never did anything again because I said this is wrong I shouldn't be doing this. Now I just need to tell my parents because I don't want to live with this anymore. I am not sexually attracted to children so I don't feel a urge to do any of this again. At that time I watched a lot of porn sometimes up to 5-6 times a day, now I can control it better.

I also have OCD, which I would like to get help with. I read on the internet that there are medicins for it so I would like to try this if it really helps. I have these unwanted thoughts and rituals that don't want to go. I don't know when this started but it's been going on since as long as I can remember. I always thought I had a weird way of thinking. When I was younger I always had these tics that whenever I got rid of one I always got another one. I also get really attached to objects and people really easily. I can't grow away nothing without feeling guilty about it.
I have anxiety and trust issues. I don't trust people often and always think people are making fun of me.

I want I tell my mother first about this and then my dad afterwards but I'm really scared to tell them and I don't want to lose my family because I love them so much. I don't wan to talk to a therapist first because I have never done this and just want my mom to tell first. I already thought about killing myself because I can't take this anymore but I can't do this to my family. How do I tell my mother about this and that I nee help with this OCD? I just can't live without them.
Please help, thanks

Hello Friend,

It seems you are consumed by the guilt within your heart. What have you done is technically considered molestation, although it seems as if you were immature and unaware of your actions and what harm they could bring, id be willing to bet you did not understand the dangers of what you were doing. By the time you were 15 you stopped, which showed you had understood the wrong doings you had been doing. If you had brushed this off and even considered it just a normality it would be concerning, however you seem to be deeply regretful of your actions, and that is the beginning to recovering and finding peace within yourself. First off, how is your sister doing? Is she doing okay? Any awkward behavior? Is she ok being around you?

Porn disrupts your reality and for someone who is not educated on sex, cause experimentation and curiosity to reach horrific levels. I wouldn't consider this an action done out of malice, but out of nativity. This does not excuse the action, but I feel labeling yourself a horrible person and molester is not fair on yourself as you were ignorant and brought into a world you did not understand.

If i am to give you some advice, I would advise speaking to a therapist(especially if your OCD is bothering you to an extreme level)before a family member. A professional can help you work through your situation step by step and advise you best to bring this topic up with your family.

Analyze your situation and keep us updated, we hope you are able to find peace. Best of luck!

Thans you for your response. My sister is doing fine like any other child. She has no real problems and is doing really well at school, I don't see anything wrong with her.
I do regret it a lot. For the OCD, it is not pleasant to love with but I mostly have this when I'm on my own or at home or any familiar place because of my anxiety and shyness I don't do any of theses rituals in public because I already have the feeling everyone is looking at me so I don't want to get attention from everyone.

I was obsessed with porn back then and thought about sex a lot. I had never even kissed or had a girlfriend, so I only knew porn. I was also already a bit more sexual than other boys when I was younger, and I don't know why.

I thought about seeing a therapist first but I don't feel so sure about this now. I would like to tell my mother first and have a good conversation with her, we have a good bond so that's why I would like to speak to her first. I don't know how I would talk to a therapist because I don't own a car and can't get too far out of home without my parents knowing.

How do I start this conversation? Would I just tell her about my OCD, anxiety and so on and then tell her what happened? I can't lose my family, I love them more than anyone and family is really important in life.

12344321 wrote:Thans you for your response. My sister is doing fine like any other child. She has no real problems and is doing really well at school, I don't see anything wrong with her.
I do regret it a lot. For the OCD, it is not pleasant to love with but I mostly have this when I'm on my own or at home or any familiar place because of my anxiety and shyness I don't do any of theses rituals in public because I already have the feeling everyone is looking at me so I don't want to get attention from everyone.

I was obsessed with porn back then and thought about sex a lot. I had never even kissed or had a girlfriend, so I only knew porn. I was also already a bit more sexual than other boys when I was younger, and I don't know why.

I thought about seeing a therapist first but I don't feel so sure about this now. I would like to tell my mother first and have a good conversation with her, we have a good bond so that's why I would like to speak to her first. I don't know how I would talk to a therapist because I don't own a car and can't get too far out of home without my parents knowing.

How do I start this conversation? Would I just tell her about my OCD, anxiety and so on and then tell her what happened? I can't lose my family, I love them more than anyone and family is really important in life.

Its obvious you were young, naive and not aware of the severity of your actions. If you want to get this off your chest I honestly would first seek some sort of professional help,so they can better answer your questions about bringing it up with your family. We are this forum are willing to provide advice, but we are not trained like a therapist would be in dealing with situations like these. You can tell your family in some way you are having some issues you only feel like brining up with a therapist, and if your family is complacent, they will hopefully drive you.

If still you do not want to go to a therapist, my two cents would be too talk to your mother which whom you are close with and inform of her of your previous actions. If you are sincere and concerned, she will hopefully take in the information and help you and your sister work through it.

I feel like talking to my mother first is what I feel more confortable with. I feel like my mother would be more scared if I come with a therapist first so I would like to tell her first about it and then convince her to talk to a professional together.

I know not everyone on here can give th same advice as a professional would do but sce telling my mom first is what I want to do. Can you give me some tips on how i start this conversation and what I tell first etc?

Seeing a therapist first is something I can't to without them knowing. I already looked on the internet for a few ones close by but they are all too far to go on my own.

12344321 wrote:I feel like talking to my mother first is what I feel more confortable with. I feel like my mother would be more scared if I come with a therapist first so I would like to tell her first about it and then convince her to talk to a professional together.

I know not everyone on here can give th same advice as a professional would do but sce telling my mom first is what I want to do. Can you give me some tips on how i start this conversation and what I tell first etc?

Seeing a therapist first is something I can't to without them knowing. I already looked on the internet for a few ones close by but they are all too far to go on my own.

I would tell her you want to get something off your chest and shes the only one you can confront about it as of now. If you are set on confronting your mother with this information, I wish you the best of luck. Keep us updated!