teardrop_ wrote:Thank you for your reply.
No he didn't even know that I did it. I really hate myself for doing this. Do you think I'm a horrible person. I really feel like I don't deserve to be happy. It feels like my soul is tainted. I've never done anything bad or hurt anyone in life. I'm a good person but now I feel like I've done a seriously bad thing like a crime. He never knew what I did. The only person that got hurt was me mentally.
Your desire to be "good" is most likely the cause of your current mental state. You were a child. There is no way that 14 year old could have thought like you are thinking right now.
The only person who will make you happy is yourself. If you believe you don't deserve to be happy, you will not be happy. Only you can make yourself love yourself. If you are having difficulty accepting your past actions, I would see a therapist
However, the biggest "medicine" I can offer you is for your to sit at peace with yourself. Meditate.Pray. Do whatever helps you feel at peace. We all make mistakes in life and it should not define us.
If the boy is doing well, I see no reason why you should beat yourself up over your past inappropriate actions. You must learn to forgive and move on.
Find peace in yourself. Once you learn to love yourself, you will be able to move forward.