Touched somebody in their sleep and overwhelmed with guilt.

I'm 19 now but when I was 14 I shared a bed with someone who was 8 at the time and to cut a long story short one night when I went to bed I was curious about what another penis looked like so I looked at his and touched it a few times to see what it felt like. I know now that this was a very stupid inappropriate thing to do but at the time I didn't really realise the severity of this. I let my own stupidity and curiosity get the better of me. I only did it once as far as I remember and I didn't do it for sexual gratification. I just don't really remember the exact reason for doing it. I never ever intended or planned on doing it and never even thought of doing it again. I wish I could go back and never have done it. I never gave it second thought other than I knew I did a wrong thing after I did it but in the last few months I've remember and I know now how bad it actually was and is to touch someone when they are asleep. I'm preoccupied with guilt, shame, remorse, fear, disgust and hatred at myself. I've convinced myself I'm a bad person and I molested or abused someone and I can't bare to live with myself. I hate myself over this. I feel like I committed a serious crime and should be in prison. I feel like my life is tainted by this thing I did when I was 14. The person never and still doesn't know what happened.and I can never tell him because it will ruin our relationship because the person was my nephew. I couldn't dream of hurting him because there's only 6 years between us and I see him as my little brother. I was never attracted to him in anyway so I still can't think of why I did what I did. I have another nephew whose 7 and I couldn't imagine anyone doing something like that to him because it'sThis horrible it makes me feel nausea. I know I'm not a bad person. I know I'm not a molester, abuser or paedophile. But I can't shake off the feeling that I committed a crime when I was 14. What do I do????

What should you do? You should realize that what you had done was not severe. You were curious and experimenting. While your age may have considered you a adolescent, your mind was obviously still very immature.

If i am to be honest with you, this sort of behavior is rather common around younger boys, and while you were older you surely were coming from a inexperienced confused ideology.
Is the boy doing okay right now? Is there any awkward behavior he exhibits?

You did not do anything wrong, and I HIGHLY doubt this is effecting the boy. Your conscious and desire to be a good person consumes you and picks apart your darkest secrets. At least, from the basis of your post, and the fact that you made two posts, show that you are afraid that your perception of your morality is not what you want it to be.

You need to forgive yourself. what you had done was simple experimentation, and I'm fairly certain a majority of this planet's humans have done sexual activity as a kid that they do not even think about today that was potentially harmful. Your guilt speaks miles for your character. Let it go. You deserve to be ok.

Thank you for your reply.
No he didn't even know that I did it. I really hate myself for doing this. Do you think I'm a horrible person. I really feel like I don't deserve to be happy. It feels like my soul is tainted. I've never done anything bad or hurt anyone in life. I'm a good person but now I feel like I've done a seriously bad thing like a crime. He never knew what I did. The only person that got hurt was me mentally.

teardrop_ wrote:Thank you for your reply.
No he didn't even know that I did it. I really hate myself for doing this. Do you think I'm a horrible person. I really feel like I don't deserve to be happy. It feels like my soul is tainted. I've never done anything bad or hurt anyone in life. I'm a good person but now I feel like I've done a seriously bad thing like a crime. He never knew what I did. The only person that got hurt was me mentally.

Your desire to be "good" is most likely the cause of your current mental state. You were a child. There is no way that 14 year old could have thought like you are thinking right now.

The only person who will make you happy is yourself. If you believe you don't deserve to be happy, you will not be happy. Only you can make yourself love yourself. If you are having difficulty accepting your past actions, I would see a therapist

However, the biggest "medicine" I can offer you is for your to sit at peace with yourself. Meditate.Pray. Do whatever helps you feel at peace. We all make mistakes in life and it should not define us.
If the boy is doing well, I see no reason why you should beat yourself up over your past inappropriate actions. You must learn to forgive and move on.

Find peace in yourself. Once you learn to love yourself, you will be able to move forward.