Before I start, please don't tell me to see a therapist. I can't afford one. It's not an option. Maybe at some point, but not right now.
There's a couple of years age difference between me and my Autistic brother. He has fairly extreme autism, he cannot speak. A while ago, when i was about 13-14 and he was 11-12, there was a period where i truly believed i might have been bisexual / gay and i was really ###$ up with my sexual emotions. I touched him on about 12 different occasions, and engaged in oral sex with him about 6-7 times over the period of 3-6 months, before i started to feel guilt and kind of snapped out of it, and ever since i have suffered from extreme guilt.
I can't handle life anymore, the remorse is getting to me. I would give absolutely anything to take that back, Its the biggest mistake of my life, and if there is ANYTHING i could do to take it back, i would do it, but unfortunately i can't. I am depressed every day, and this guilt is like a weight on my chest every single day, and i think the only way out is to kill myself. It's the truth. It's what i deserve, too.
On top of this, i have developed a slight gambling addiction from trying to find something to cope with this. I can't do this anymore, people tell me - am i a horrible person and a molester? and a sexual predator?

-- Mon Jul 27, 2015 9:15 pm --
Someone help please, it's killing me worse tonight for some reason and i cant handle it
