Did i do something very bad?

Well hello everyone.

Recently i discovered i have ocd and mainly POCD wich involves thinking and obsessing thoughts being a pedofile.

the last couple of days i have been getting all kinds of painfull memorys wich lead me into obsessive thinking.

One of them is that i suddenly remembered that about 8 - 9 years ago when i was 17-18 yrs old i was out in a club and i met a girl. she looked kinde my age maybe 1 year younger or so i thought. at the end of the night i and a friend went to her and her friends home. totally drunk we went sleeping in eachothers bed. i went in the girls bed, and my friend and the other girl in another bed.

At some point i ended touching her, but nothing more it was just that.

The next day waking up, she told me i looked familiar. and she asked me if i had a little brother. i said yes and she said she knew him because they were in the same class!

I really was blown away by that, becouse my little brother is 4 yrs younger then i am. so i asked her what her age was and she was 3 yrs younger then i was.
She told me she was 16 or 17 i believe the night before. and now she told me she was in the same class as my little brother!!!!

Did i do something bad here? am i a molester? f**** i just wanna die from this. Why does this popped up now? 8 yrs after??? wtf is wrong with me?

the girl seems to do fine now, she is engaged has kids. so i guess i have not done anything bad to her??

From what I understand, all you did was sleep next to her? Did you touch her anywhere that you regretted? Because simply sleeping next to someone isn't simply molestation. Both parties were drunk and nothing was out of control. You didn't seem to do anything harmful beside sleep next to her, which in itself really is not harmful.


You are most likely overthinking this. You may be feeling guilt for other events in your life and this may be a relating factor, but you truly didn't do anything wrong. If you felt you overstepped your boundaries, talk to her yourself and apologize, as that seems to be the best way to resolve this. If she says that it did not effect her at all and you still feel guilt, I advise seeking professional help as it is a more of a issue of psychology then.

Best of luck.

Zonofo wrote:From what I understand, all you did was sleep next to her? Did you touch her anywhere that you regretted? Because simply sleeping next to someone isn't simply molestation. Both parties were drunk and nothing was out of control. You didn't seem to do anything harmful beside sleep next to her, which in itself really is not harmful.


You are most likely overthinking this. You may be feeling guilt for other events in your life and this may be a relating factor, but you truly didn't do anything wrong. If you felt you overstepped your boundaries, talk to her yourself and apologize, as that seems to be the best way to resolve this. If she says that it did not effect her at all and you still feel guilt, I advise seeking professional help as it is a more of a issue of psychology then.

Best of luck.

Well from what i can remember i did touched her privatly parts. But no real sex whatsoever. Also she did not resisted or anything. I just stopped after a while because i felt like she did not wanted it to go any further. Nothing happened after that anymore.

The next day we had normal conversation She was not like stressed out or anything like that.
She did lied about het age. She told me the night before she was like 1,5 yrs younger then me. But the day after she said she lied and that she actually was 3 yrs younger.

Asking her now if she is bothered by it is no option.
Because i have never spoken to her again. She now is married and has a kid. Why would i then come to her after 9 yrs and Ask her. Do you Remember me? That one night?
I can only imagine her And her husband would freak out. Right?

Oh and besides. After that night she had tried several times to hit on with me again. Kiss me or whatever. But i did not wanted it because i felt she was to young for me. And because she lied about her age the first time i met her.

Ive seen my psychologist about this and she said that it is nothing for me to be ashamed about. And that its normae for teenagers to be like that.

But somehow i cannot seem to stop feeling bad. I do have Ocd btw. Which makes it even harder for me to not engage in bad thinking

onetwothreex wrote:

Zonofo wrote:From what I understand, all you did was sleep next to her? Did you touch her anywhere that you regretted? Because simply sleeping next to someone isn't simply molestation. Both parties were drunk and nothing was out of control. You didn't seem to do anything harmful beside sleep next to her, which in itself really is not harmful.


You are most likely overthinking this. You may be feeling guilt for other events in your life and this may be a relating factor, but you truly didn't do anything wrong. If you felt you overstepped your boundaries, talk to her yourself and apologize, as that seems to be the best way to resolve this. If she says that it did not effect her at all and you still feel guilt, I advise seeking professional help as it is a more of a issue of psychology then.

Best of luck.

Well from what i can remember i did touched her privatly parts. But no real sex whatsoever. Also she did not resisted or anything. I just stopped after a while because i felt like she did not wanted it to go any further. Nothing happened after that anymore.

The next day we had normal conversation She was not like stressed out or anything like that.
She did lied about het age. She told me the night before she was like 1,5 yrs younger then me. But the day after she said she lied and that she actually was 3 yrs younger.

Asking her now if she is bothered by it is no option.
Because i have never spoken to her again. She now is married and has a kid. Why would i then come to her after 9 yrs and Ask her. Do you Remember me? That one night?
I can only imagine her And her husband would freak out. Right?

Oh and besides. After that night she had tried several times to hit on with me again. Kiss me or whatever. But i did not wanted it because i felt she was to young for me. And because she lied about her age the first time i met her.

Ive seen my psychologist about this and she said that it is nothing for me to be ashamed about. And that its normae for teenagers to be like that.

But somehow i cannot seem to stop feeling bad. I do have Ocd btw. Which makes it even harder for me to not engage in bad thinking

Given the circumstances, I think your more then deserving of self-forgiveness. If she is currently living a happy life with a child and husband, and you don't want to disturb it by bringing up the past in your mind, then so be it. To move on you truly have to accept that your actions were not comprised of malice, but of ignorance. I know its hard with your conscious trying to consume you with guilt, but you can rise above it. You are more then your past actions, and it shows volume in your character that you feel immense guilt in a situation which many would just brush off. Do not let this guilt consume you, you can rise above it and lead a happy life. The more you dwell on it, the more your going to torture yourself. I would advise cutting out any destructive behavior that triggers you to dwell on this memory and focus on self-improvement as off now, seeing as how your seeing a professional you are already well on your way to taking control of your life.

Best of luck, you can do it.

Legally whether your behaviour as criminal depends on the state... although if the girl did not feel harmed I woudn't worry about prosecution. If it helps, the psychiatric definition of pedophilic child abuse requires the perpetrator to be at least 5 years older than the victim (otherwise it is peer-on-peer abuse).

I must admit that I often feel divided about cases like this inwhich the younger party misrepresents their age. It's the older party's responsibility to find out, though even passports can be faked and I know that in most situations why would you assume that you were being lied to?

I had a sexual relationship with a similar age diff (maybe a bit larger, 4 and a bit, rather than 3 and a bit) with a 16-17 year-old, around seven years back that consumes me with a similar amount of guilt. However, in my case, I confessed this to the British police and they declined to arrest me and the girl herself explicitly told me she didn't have any interest in legal action.

So, I think about this daily and find it hard to move on and feel as though I deserve to be alive in society. However it is important to remember that you have just as much a right to be alive as anyone else. The important thing is that the individual is okay and then you sincerely regret what happened and will not repeat the behaviour.

I think in your situation, there was no malice or bad intentions but alcohol was a factor. I hope you've learned not to drink and get into sexual situations in which you don't know very much about your partner. I suspect you have learned. You seem like a decent sort of guy and I don't think you deserve to be punished or to worry over this forever. It's always going to be something you did in your past, but it was not monstrous, and you can keep moving forward.