STILL feel guilt for what I did when I was child/young teen

Really sorry for posting again just its been 5 months depressed, last 2 months have actually been great, with only small worries about it but recently I've been starting to ponder whether or not I'm an evil piece of **** who hurt children when I was younger,
When I was 9 I used to dryhump and do weird experimentation on my cousins who were 4-5 younger than me and I did this I THINK I did this till I was about 13 and I think I knew this was bad but didn't really think or care as I was young and stupid, I also used to think about having sex with them as I got to 13 but I dont think I did as I cant remember only certain moments, But I constantly think what if I did fully fondle and touch them when i was 12/14,What if I did?! I'm evil and should just commit suicide as I ain't worth sh1t I have serious OCD too and get a constant fear im living a lie and that I molested my cousins as I keep getting an image of going into their room and sitting on my cousins bed but I'm not sure if its false memory Now I'm older I understand how wrong it was what i did and feel like I dont deserve anything good In life, I've attempted suicide twice now because of this I also saw a porn video that reminded me of my cousins at 12-13 and ONE time I stupidly searched ***** "porn" I never saw anything tho but the guilt is still here though (im 17 now) I would never think of doing that to a child now and it makes me sick for doing it and thinking these horrible thoughts
I have a great relationship with my cousins and always message me on fb when they need me so its obvious they don't know,
Please help what can I do to get over this or someone give me reassurance as I seriously worry about this.
again sorry for asking

Well, you were young - poor impulse control, not thinking about consequences etc is part of the deal.
That is why I would never leave a young boy in charge of smaller children, I call it Parental Supervision.... something that apparently was lacking in your childhood to early teens. Perhaps the adults saw you as a convenient carer for the younger ones and put you in this position for their convenience? This is a situation that simply could not occur in my family because I provide parental supervision and don't mix certain age groups/sexes for unsupervised stuff.

This is the age group boys blow their thumbs off with firecrackers so try not to be too hard on yourself.
That being said, I think you are 'at risk' of more negative behaviours (already showing, suicide attempts and further up the track alcohol drug abuse etc) and to safeguard yourself against a future that won't be too positive, do ALL you can to read books, online etc to work on building positive self worth (different than self esteem which is an egoic thing).
Ie, my self esteem is boosted if i put make up on and feel confident from that.
self worth is looking like a bag lady and feeling 'this is just how i am today, i have great attributes like caring for my kids kindly".
Robert Burney has some great stuff and is on facebook.
So learn this and work on it, the past you were simply a misguided child.... in future, become an adult who can let go of the past, work on being the best person they are. See... low self worth will make it difficult to have adult relationships and gives you a risk factor of finding weaker people OR abusers to hook up with in future.
Its not quite everyday behaviour with the sexualised behaviours at your young age, I'd venture to guess you had witnessed adults 'doing it' or on Tv or been tampered with yourself when you were a little boy.
Young kids DO sometimes a bit of experimentation (the old fashioned doctors and nurses where of course the 'patient' is required to remove their clothes) however your interest seems to span a greater time and with younger people so you need to look out for your future. Its your responsibility now and nothing you can do about clearly what was a responsibility of the adults in your childhood who apparently didn't notice this stuff going on.
So innoculate yourself now, and if you can find a good counsellor look into that too.
I have a counselling background and this is just my opinion on the small amount of info you have shared.

I think you are on a better track than my son who has a similar history with his half sister (on his father's remarriage (I am not her mother)). He possesses no empathy, no conscience, and to avoid accountability for his taboo actions with his 3 yr old sibling, claimed he was molested by his father's father who had just died. He developed, at least a Narcissistic Personality Disorder that has psychotic and schizo features. He subscribes to killing livelihoods. He essentially already committed suicide and is zombie-like. Nothing makes him satisfied.

I can't urge you enough to educate yourself on abuse, mental illnesses, and check out DBT as a concept to use to process your emotions in a healthy way so that you may deflect negativity. Make certain you accumulate enough emotional saavi-nesss to not create a pattern that presents in your offspring. I believe you can recover your emotional well being with introspection, knowledge and diligence if you process now, before your brain becomes completely incapable, by denying the emotions you have. I think you should embrace them and use your feelings of shame to help you stop this behavior from reoccurring via your Self or in other family members. You are lucky your brain hasn't chosen a self defense mechanism for you. Take charge and the Universe will be on your side. More power to you. You are inspiring and a young man with strength and is fully capable of recovering.

Good comments, truth and easy, so thank you for those.

I absolutely agree that you can move forward from your childhood and become a happy, successful and fully-actualised human being. You seem decent and self-reflective and I honestly believe that it is the fault of your OCD that you find yourself unable to forgive yourself. I think the more you look after yourself the more likely it will be that you never do anything inappropriate again (which I personally feel is highly unlikely anyway considering your remorse etc.) Killing yourself would just hurt those who love you.

Plus, you're still technically a child yourself! 17 is still really young. Perhaps you could see turning 18 as the start of a different life. You will be an adult and if you were a criminal then your slate would be wiped clean. Most kids are given a second chance at 18.

Please please please take it.