Ashamed of my past stealing problem

I've been dealing with a lot of guilt over a habit that has been present on and off in my life. I can’t let myself move on from it. I used to steal when I was little, things like a book from a shop and I tried to steal a Gameboy from my cousin. This had subsided for years until I was in my mid teens and it reared it's ugly head again, the problem escalated and became out of control. I was stealing clothes from my sister and from a couple of friends. I stole money from some family members and also got caught stealing some mascara from a shop.

I had been doing this for a few reasons, mainly due to pent up stress that I didn’t have a release for. I I was also a form of self sabotaging cos I had and still have a poor self image and already made a mess of other parts of my life and felt like it didn’t matter if I were to mess it up further. I felt like I had zero conscience and I let the bad side of my override any morals I might have had. A lot of it I did for the rush it gave me and obviously not much thought had gone into it or I would not have done any of it. At the time I really wasn’t enjoying life and saw how much others were, I guess I was just spiteful enough to want a piece of theirs for myself :/.

I'm not still so scummy that I steal from friends and family but even recently I have been stealing alcohol from shops. It still does something for me but I want this to be over for good. I feel like a broken person. I almost think that I should never have any friends again because of these sociopathic tendencies I have. Some of this stuff happened years a go but I still feel as guilty as if it happened just yesterday. A lot of people had found about about this horrible compulsion of mine. I have lost many friends, had attacks online from people, talking about me to others in front of others, stolen from in revenge and back stabbed by friends. Even if it wasn't for any of that I would want to be done with this problem. I haven't done very much to mend the trust with others, tried to meet in person to talk about it or offered to treat them, that was it. It isn't possible for me to feel good about myself after what I've done. I've wrecked any confidence that I could build and it is my own fault. Tomorrow is a new day to start again but I still see people in public that know this about me and just like that the guilty thoughts are all I can think of . Can I come back from this? What can I do to put this behind me and be good from now on?

-- Tue Oct 28, 2014 5:25 pm --

Anyone who has had a problem like this or similar who has turned their lives around and been able to regain trust, it would be great to hear from you. Any thoughts welcome.

Hi

I have had issues with stealing when I was younger too. I got caught shoplifting once which was pretty awful. But still did not stop me.

I did stop. I guess over time I started to connect more to what I was doing. I dont do it any more. I wonder if some of it was also due to undiagnosed BP.

I am ashamed but also put it down to not being too well at the time and am more focused on now I have stopped rather than how bad i was

Cracked