hello, I'm 22, I'll start with saying that I am deeply remorseful about what I did, I haven't been able to get it out of my head for a few years now, I'm nearing the edge, I need help.
From what I can remember and piece together I was around 10/11/12/13 years old, can't remember much about age, anyway my sister is 5 years younger and my brother is 7 years younger.
I remember performing oral sex on them both, and encouraging them to do the same to me,
I'd also try it on with my other brother who is 4 years younger, I remember thinking this was normal, but I knew it was wrong else I wouldn't of been scared of my parents finding out,
I also had this fling going my my friend at the time who is a boy, we would perform oral she's on each other and kiss each other with tongues, I can't remember when this ended, I'm not gay btw I'm in a relationship with my girlfriend who I adore. I don't know why I did these things I feel so terrible!
Also I remember me and my brother who is 4 years younger would bully our other 2 younger siblings and make them have fights while we watched, we would get them into trouble by blaming things on them,
Me and my brother did other weird things like put diapers on and wee ourselves, spread poo on bread and pretend to our siblings that it was chocolate spread.... And probably a host of other things I can't remember, like I said I don't know why these things happened, I feel guilty as hell, I'm scared to death that I'll actually kilo myself as I don't see any other option, I've obsessed over this for years now, I've had to drop out of college because I can't focus on other things,
Please any advice is much appreciated.
Also my siblings appear to be fine with me, but I don't have much contact with them as It reminds me of the things I've done.