Did i sexually abuse my brother

Just to start with a bit of background.

When i was younger i had a stepfather who abused my mum. I was about 5, he had an older son from a previous relationship who was about 10-11 i think. We would play this game where we would rub naked genitals. I thought it was funny and was a cool game. i didnt really understand it.

Anyways when i was 11 my younger brother of 6 came up to me, i was laying on my stomach he sat on my back and started rubing his genitals up and down. The second time this happened i started making sex noises. I cant remember whether i asked him to do it or not, I dont know why it happened or why i did what i did but now i feel awful, i feel like i abused him. My therapist says that when i was abused i shouldnt have known better but the older guy should have, now i remember this i feel like how can i class what happened to me as abuse when i partook in something similar. Please help me i dont know what to do, should i tell my boyfriend about it?? i dont want to tell my parents or my therapist as i have only met her once and shes a CBT thereapist not a councellor. I do suffer with extremem guilt over my past anyways and depression. Am i a bad person??

This doesn't make you a bad person. It's up to you as to whether you want to discuss it with anyone else. If you do want to talk, you might start with your younger brother to find out if & how he was affected, if at all. It seems unlikely.

I don't think this rises to the level of abuse. Kids sometimes imitate adult behaviors. It would be better if that exposure and behavior didn't happen, but they do. Kids only realize the full potential impact of those actions when they are older, and then it can cause guilt and shame. You didn't seek out your younger brother to abuse him, or use your age difference as a power imbalance to control his actions, or seek sexual gratification from the encounter. Those are among the things that would be abusive.

Another factor is that having exposure to earlier abuse lowers your boundaries for future inappropriate situations. You might not have thought much of this at the time, because you'd had similar behavior done to you in the past. This is partly what fuels the cycle of abuse. Early exposure tends to take away the sense of "wrongness" about the behavior. But you are aware of the wrongness now, and that's a good & positive thing. If your brother has reached the same conclusion, then I think you could conclude there is no lasting impact, other than your concern about it. It's good to be concerned and ask those questions, but not to dwell on them excessively. This was a very small part of your past relationship with your brother, and is probably not significant to your relationship today.

This sounds to me like a result of what happened to you when you were 5 where you would have learnt this behaviour. It does not sound to me like abuse- rather reenacting what happened to you. Please give yourself a break with this - it does not sound to me like you are an abuser.

Hugs

Cracked

I posted this a while ago but recently the thoughts have been bothering me again.
I highly doubt my brother remembers this incident as he was around 6 and it was 13 years ago.
But now I'm wondering if I masturbated while he was doing it.
I know we was fully clothed
I also know we was playing game cube in my parents room. I was laying on the bed and whenever I did that he used to sit on my back. But this time he wanted to show me a new thing him and his friends learnt which was rubbing up and down. Kind of like dry humping but fully clothed
Instead of stopping him I played along and made sex noises. And I'm wondering if I played with myself.
He had no idea what he was doing and it happened once and he never ever has mentioned it.
But I just can't get out of my head that I abused him. I feel awful
Maybe I should talk to him but then I risk bringing up that 1 minute part of history that he 99% chance doesn't even remember. And of he does remember it is it really that bad.
Please hekp

-- Tue Feb 09, 2016 9:30 pm --

Also apologies to administrators as this was posted originally in the wrong forum and was moved here and now I have a duplicate post. Please feel free to remove my other thread titled ' terrible guilt is it justified'

I would much prefer responses on this one

Responding here as requested.

I 100% agree with what Cracked Girl said (who is wise as ever!)

It is entirely possible for you to regret what you did as a young child, without being eaten away by guilt because of it. I honestly think that your feelings as an abuse victim have become mixed up with your fear that you are a perpetrator. You are not. You responded in the situation in the way you did because you had been abused - you did not violate your brother and I also personally he doubt he remembers the incident.

Really, you are being so hard on yourself and you don't deserve it.

CG is very good at spotting abuse and takes it seriously. If she says that you don't sound like an abuser, then she's right, frankly.

Please be gentle with yourself.