obsession

Hiya guys I'm new here. First day actually I came here as a visit, but the overwhelming pain I'm feeling needs to be shared so I can get some clarity on the situation.

To cut a long story short, I have been sleeping with my cousins mum who is of no relation for the best part of a year. On that time my feelings for her have gotten so intense that right now I'm in another country but she's very much still present everyday. I moved in with my cousin and her mum as I needed a place to stay until I got myself on my feet. The first few days she just started coming onto me touching me, and although I told her it was wrong she still persisted until she got her way. I felt strong up until that point but the point were it started seems so blury to me. I know its wrong that's my cousins mum and feel so guilty. And on top of that I have strong feelings for her.

She is also married however her and her husband as she told me were separating and she didn't want to be wih him anymore. I know logically that maybe she was trying to manipulate me because as I type she's back with him. My heart just didn't want to believe it that my cousins mum could be this type of woman. But as time went on its like I just forgot and started falling for her. We spent so much time together and she would tell me she loves me and show it through things she did or was this part of her manipulation? I'm younger than she is she's in her 40s I'm in my early 30s she would always tell me of her problems with her husband and I know in my head its all a game so why the ###$ am I so into her? I don't wanna believe Shes bad but I know she is otherwise she wouldn't sleep with her daughters cousin. No while I don't blame her I take full responsibility for my actions. Its so bad that I obsess over her everyday its interupting with my day to day. I find myself scouting her social media. I don't contact her I'm tryna put this woman out of my head. But I love her or do I? It feels like love i mean if that's what love feels like. Its complicated because of the cir umstances. I don't want to have feelings for her or obsess over her. These so much to say so I'll save my fingers for a reply and add as I go along

Hiya. My initial thoughts are that you can't help who you're attracted to or love. This is an impulse that arises in your mind. You don't create it. In fact, it sounds like you would rather it weren't there, which reaffirms this absence of control.

So the first thing to consider is that how you feel is not your fault. You didn't ask for these feelings. They just happened and you have been swept along with them.

Is anyone likely to be really hurt by this going into the long term? Sometimes life can feel dangerous and exciting, and that's great in the "you only live once" sense, but when other people get damaged, that's when you have to step back.

So that's my only concern with this.