How is everyone?

I just thought I'd create a little thread for people who have started threads on the remorse forum to respond briefly saying how they are doing. A lot of threads get started here often by members who only post one or two replies and, personally, I sometimes worry that individual contributors may have hurt themselves or disappeared for tragic reasons. Obviously there is no way for any of us to know and we are all essentially strangers - I don't want to pretend to know anyone better than I actually do. However, I essentially like human beings and hope that posters haven't been made more depressed or despondent by replies to their posts and that they have managed to continue going in this world.

Personally, I'm not great, but I still have supportive friends and family and am not thinking about hurting myself too regularly. I don't have a massive degree of hope - I still essentially feel doomed or that I am the living dead, but I also believe that I have a certain right to life and that I am not massively hurting anyone through my continued existence and that through volunteering in particular I am doing some good. Obviously I don't believe that good deeds whatsoever cancel out a bad or terrible deed, but I don't believe they are wholly worthless. I still sometimes wish my ex-girlfriend had lived in a state where the age of consent was 16 or that I had slowed things down by a week-and-a-half for her to turn 17 because then I would technically have committed very little in the way of crimes and wouldn't be a child rapist. However, this is not what happened and I am starting to accept the reality and force myself to live with it, however much self-disgust it generates. I think Epiphany is right in saying that it is about letting go of pride.

Anyway. How are the rest of you... Vespertine? Coolghost? Lionchaser? Guiltridden? Regulars like Ephiphany and Ashlar? Everyone else?

I'm concerned about Coolghost. We were pm'ing up to about a month ago which is when he last posted. He was feeling a great deal of shame over something. I could tell he was pretty much at his lowest point with it all. I hope he's ok wherever he is and that he is no longer posting here because he is moving on. I think he just needed to realise that the pain was necessary and transitory. No pain = no remorse.

There is a great deal of pain on this forum. Some might say remorse is the healthiest and most positive of all psychological pains. It suggests a complete awareness of your transgressions and a willingness to convert that pain (which must be allowed to be felt deeply and fully) into productive energy that will butterfly into positive consequences for those immediately around you and wider society.

If bad (or at least perceivably bad) things are inevitable (i.e. if they are lurking beneath the surface of consciousness), it's better to feel remorse than nothing at all, because remorse re-programmes the mind. But people need to be careful that their remorse (I did a bad thing, I am sorry, I'll strive to do better from now on) doesn't spiral into shame (I am a bad person until the day I die).

Shame helps nobody. Remorse has the potential for immeasurable good. It is the awakening following a crisis. All we can hope is that our crises are short lived and do as little harm as possible.

Best wishes to all who find this forum. And don't live in the mind. There's no peace there.

I like this thread

I just wanted to say that a long time ago I had something I felt a lot of remorse for and there are things I still feel remorse for esp linked to how I have behaved whilst ill. I still feel bad about things but with time and some support I feel better about them than I did - or at least have come to a point where I can try to forgive myself. There are still a few things that I did whilst ill which I feel very sorry for but I am trying to work on those.

Anyhow

Hugs

Cracked

I'm doing well. I still want things to be better. I have this intractable issue that I want to find some way to repair broken relationships. I have no idea how to do that. I also worry at times. I "think" things are going better.