Something stupid I did when I was 15

When I was 15 I did something that I now really REALLY regret. The guilt of it is eating away at me and I can hardly do the things that once made me happy. I didn't realize the weight of my actions at the time and now it's killing me to know what I did.

I was friends with this 8 year old kid down the street, and everything was cool. Nothing wrong happening. We would occasionally have sleepovers and nothing would happen there. Just having them is no problem. But I remember as we had some more of these sleepovers, sometimes the kid had trouble sleeping. And I remembered once I told him that sleeping naked can help, (this was true, I was not just making it up) and that if he wanted me to, I would also sleep naked. (not together in the same bed or anything.) I remember being interested in naturism (or "nudism") at the time and I didn't think of it sexually. But at the same time, I was 15 and my hormones were raging. We had some more of these kinds of sleepovers. There was no touching involved of any kind. Occasionally we would both be nude, sometimes it was just me, sometimes it was just him, sometimes neither of us would be nude. But I NEVER wanted to force anything onto the kid or make him feel uncomfortable. I was always sure to ask beforehand to make sure he was okay with what was going on. I guess I was just kind of trying to experiment that kind of lifestyle, but I never EVER should have done it. At least not with someone so young.

Soon after we stopped having these sleepovers. And I didn't think much of them for a while. Only recently has the guilt caught up with me and I realize that this may have been sexual abuse. I haven't been able to do anything I normally do since because I feel like I might go to jail for these stupid heinous acts. I NEVER want to do anything that dumb again, and I feel sincerely remorseful that I ever thought of doing it. I didn't want anyone to get hurt and I seriously didn't know that something like that could mess up a child's life so much. I even recently caught up with the kid, who is older now, and apologized to him, letting him know that what I did was inappropriate and wrong, and that I never wanted to do anything that disgusting ever again. He accepted my apology, and we are still friends. I even asked him if he felt his life was drastically altered from the sleepovers, and he said no. We've both got good families and are happy with our lives. Neither of our families know about these sleepovers (they knew we had them, didn't know we were naked during some of them) and are good friends with each other. I would think I could just move on from there, right? He's forgiven me, so I should forgive myself, right? I don't know if it's that easy for me.

I really fear what might happen to me in the future if the kid grows up and realizes what I did was abusive. Will he have me arrested? Will I be arrested for something stupid I did when I was 15? Will I have to file as a sex offender and have the rest of my life ruined because of it? I feel sick to my stomach and I don't want to do ANYTHING anymore. I'm very scared of going to prison because of this. Any words of advice that could help me move on from this situation? Any advice on whether or not I'll be arrested in the future? PLEASE HELP. I'm very scared...

-- Tue May 27, 2014 5:49 pm --

Also, I'm even scared of posting this here. I'm afraid someone will read this and want to have me arrested. I'm sincerely sorry for what I have done and would do anything to take it back if I could. I had no idea it was abuse. I NEVER want to abuse anyone like that ever again. Please help me.

-- Thu May 29, 2014 2:16 pm --

90 views and not a single response? Please help...anybody. I'm so sorry about what I've done...I need some kind of advice, please. I'm so sorry...

Hiya..

if no touching, no forcing the other boy to touch himself or you or anyone else.. if no sexual play etc was involved and it was simply a case of naturism being explored then i see no abuse.

You've spoken to the boy involved and he's assured you that he's fine..

sincerely.. if you've told the entire truth here then there really was no abuse and no need for you to worry anymore.

You've stated that you were 15 and your hormones were raging.. do i assume from what you say that perhaps you were thinking of sexual things when the sleepovers occurred..?

Sexual thoughts are not abusive as long as they don't lead to action - please don't worry..

Go and talk to your mom or a therapist and have a chat if you keep worrying about it..

I totally agree with the above.

I can see why people might be judgemental, but I also strongly believe that nudity doesn't have to be sexual and understand your teenage feelings about naturism as I felt much the same about the same age.

Furthermore, you have spoken to the boy and he assures you he was fine.

You were both children (albeit you were an older child) and I don't think what happened was abusive. You should be at peace.

Hello Sprock and Sceptical. Thank you both for the responses.

I have considered what you have said, and yes, Sprock, my mind was going into dark places at the time, but it never once actually occurred to me to ACT on these actions. Thank you both for the kind words, and I feel a little bit better about the situation, but I do still think that it was stupid of me and that I never should have done it.

I have decided to help people out in my community, especially abused children, to help alleviate some of the guilt that I feel. I can't change the past, but I can change the future. I am going to be a better person from now on, so the situation, while questionable, did in fact help me in the end. Thank you both for the help. It is very appreciated.

Okay, that helps a little bit. However, I'm also scared because of legal definition of sexual abuse includes "displaying of genitalia," which is sort of what I did (once again, not forcing anything). I realize that in naturism everyone would be arrested if that were the case, but it still frightens me a little bit.

(sorry for the double post of two contradicting feelings, the posts did help alleviate me for a moment but as time went on I still remembered another reason why I was scared.)

SuperScared wrote:Okay, that helps a little bit. However, I'm also scared because of legal definition of sexual abuse includes "displaying of genitalia," which is sort of what I did (once again, not forcing anything). I realize that in naturism everyone would be arrested if that were the case, but it still frightens me a little bit.

Well, I think that's more for 'flashing', in honesty.

I know that some people would disagree with what you did and I think it was silly and rash, but I also feel strongly that it fundamentally wasn't abusive. When I was at university, I went to a naked maze event in which lots of people young and old went round a maize maze, almost all of them naked. It felt freeing and relaxed and was completely non-sexual.

It's a very American and British thing to get so anxious about nudity. In lots of Europe, people swim naked at the beach without anyone batting an eyelid. In the Nordic countries, people have communal saunas without caring about nudity.

I think because of assumptions around nudity and because of the danger of a child mis-understanding, what you did is best avoided, but it seems clear to me that you have not hurt or damaged the "victim" in question and, to be honest, if you went to jail over this, I would personally feel quite outraged and angry!!

-- Fri May 30, 2014 12:53 pm --

Also, well done with the volunteering, that's ace!

Thanks again for the response. Is there any way I could get a mod to remove this thread, please?

you can't no.. they'll sometimes edit one if you've put any identifying information such as real name/location etc but they won't delete one.. i'm told there are good reasons for this..