I did something bad

davidivad wrote:these seem like shot gun marriages about to happen. you spoiled my baby and now you have to be a man.

Well, in worriedforever's case, both parties were female, so I don't think this was a concern!

In my case, the only time my ex and myself attempted intercourse (which we stopped pretty quickly because it wasn't comfortable for her, being anxious, and so we asked me to stop and I did) was a week and a half before she turned 17, so it wouldn't have been such an issue.

if not then the result is someone being called a pettifile (a dirty word for a natural reaction). now when you stat talking about a diffenence between junior high then there becomes a problem. i n the end, remember the rules and abide by them. then you will not have to live livelong hidden lifes.

This is true, though. I think it is always better to follow the laws, unless the laws are seriously unjust, such as the illegalisation of homosexuality in Russia, or stoning for adultery.

worriedforever wrote:Thank you so much. You are so kind.

Well, it might be reassuring for myself also!

PM only if you want to, though!

Hello worriedforever,

Reading your original post makes me rather angry, and not because of what you did.

You wont see it this way, but you are a victim of the very modern, and very Western, tendency to view 14 year olds as children and not sexual beings.

In any other society, and at any other time but now, what you did would not have been frowned upon. You simply would not have felt guilt.

What I am saying will sound controversial. Now, I am a male and - trust me - most males are attracted to girls who have hit puberty. These girls could possibly be as young as 12 - sounds gross, but it is true. The other day I was in a convenience store and I noticed that a man at his late 20s kept on eyeing up a girl who looked 13 years old at most. The attraction to individuals who have hit puberty is wired into us. Why is this? Because nature intends us to be attracted to individuals this young. Individuals who hit puberty are undergoing a process in which they cease to become children and become sexual beings. It also means that, because these individuals are becoming sexual beings, they will begin to command sexual attention and interest. That's just the way it is, and no matter how taboo the subject is this simple fact of human nature will not change.

Your attraction to the girl was completely natural. That you desired to do things with her does not make you a sick person. That you did things with her at your tender age (trust me, 18 year olds might as well be 16 year olds, they are legal adults but not mental adults) is not wrong. It is not sick. It is normal and it happens very often between individuals with larger age gaps. As I said, men (who will be seen as 'creepy' because of their natural attractions) who are older still like teenage girls, but we live in a society which has been so suffocated by 'pedo hysteria' that they are loathe to admit it.

This is the great hypocrisy of our time, and you are a victim of it. Now that you have grown up more, and regard what you did as tactless because of a 14 year old's immaturity, proves that you are not a bad person at all. All people harbour taboo attractions; older people aren't as likely to act on it due to the stigma. But you were not old, you were a teenager yourself, and your attractions were completely natural.

Nowadays we refuse to see early teens as sexual beings, and anyone who admits an attraction to them are condemned. This is a cultural phenomenon and nature did not intend for it to be this way. The age of consent is an arbitrary number and biological impulses will inevitably transcend the law.

Stop worrying. I read your post with disbelief that you even feel guilty about being young and explorative. Did you know Elvis Presley first went out with Priscilla when she was 14? Did you know that the age of consent used to be 12, and that the age of consent in countries like Canada, Sweden, Germany and some places in Japan is still 14? Do you think they would be guilty if they did something like this in those countries? They wouldn't think twice about it.

Stop worrying, you are wasting your time. And for the record, I am in university and me and a group of friends all agreed (without admitting it to anyone outside our group) that we still find 14 year old girls attractive. As we grow older, the age bands that we are attracted to expand, they do not increase. People seem to forget this.

Remember that people are hypocrites, and you are a victim of hypocrisy. There is nothing abnormal or evil about you, you are just unfortunate enough to be living in a Western country at this time.

Please stop worrying.

Dayvan

Thank you so much for your reply Dayvan. We were not attracted to each other at all more like we were frustrated and curious due to lack of experience. I really appreciate your detailed reply. I hope one day my guilt will stop as it is eating away at me. Thank you once again.

The reasons behind what you did don't even matter. What you did was not wrong. The biological reasons for why this wasn't wrong will exist regardless of whether we frown upon them at the moment, or see them (ridiculously) as 'immoral'. 'Morality' is subject to change according to different societies and generations, biological laws are eternal and unchanging.

The fact that you were 18 and sexually curious and frustrated, as most 18 year olds are, proves even more that you have nothing to bloody worry about!!!

dayvancowboy1066 wrote:The reasons behind what you did don't even matter. What you did was not wrong. The biological reasons for why this wasn't wrong will exist regardless of whether we frown upon them at the moment, or see them (ridiculously) as 'immoral'. 'Morality' is subject to change according to different societies and generations, biological laws are eternal and unchanging.

The fact that you were 18 and sexually curious and frustrated, as most 18 year olds are, proves even more that you have nothing to bloody worry about!!!

Your last words made me smile. Thank you so much. You have really helped me.