Feel like the worst person ever

I ve been staying at my dads in florida where i moved to since a bad breakup. My dad is rarely home so I usually have the place to myself and privacy. One day i was alone i started to masturbating just then my mom and niece came home which suprised me because they rarely come. I jumped up and wiped my hands real quick without water and soap and greeted them. I was fooling around with cd cases as i was talking with my my mom. Stacking three cd cases shuffling them in a sorta way, just then my niece asks me to hold her food. Knowing thaty hands were still "dirty" i told her no and to put it on a plate, she then placed it on the cds i was stacking. I froze and didnt know what to do, i then saw her eating the food again and i felt terrible. I should of thrown it away. Now i feel bad. I went over the scenario a bunch of times and found it eas unlikely that my hands touched the surface she layed the food but still i cannot help but think about it. Cant stop thinking and its driving me insane.

Hello Richard

You're certainly not the worst person ever.

When I was a teenager a very similar thing happened to me.

Do you have OCD by any chance?

Truth is, semen is one of the cleanest and most harmless substances on the planet.It has to be, in order to give the genetic material inside the greatest chance of 'survival'. Semen is not 'dirty' or in any way harmful. I think semen has that 'eww' factor nowadays purely because it is related to sex, which isn't the most comfortable subject. Personally,I'd be more worried if you got ketchup or most other substances on those CDs.

There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty and, if you don't have OCD, forget about this and enjoy your day. You've done nothing wrong. If you do have OCD, I suggest looking into some 'mindfulness' meditation or, if your condition is very debilitating, then look into 'CBT' therapy. But this should be a last resort.

All the best and I do hope you feel better.

^^ I absolutely agree with the above. You are certainly not the worst person ever and I think that you are not a bad person at all. Please try to challenge the thoughts you are having if you can - sometimes it can help to think what advice you would give to a friend then try to apply it to yourself - not easy I know but it can help.

Take good care - and you have done nothing wrong

Cracked

Since this has happened ive developed a compulsion to wash my hands and to try and not touch anything directly with bare hands even when i have not touched my self down there.

Having said that, Another incident has gote obsessing once again. It happened a couple days ago, i had masturbated then took an 4-5 hr nap when I awoke I ordered pizza. Ok my family was over and as i tried to grab a slice of pizza my tip of my finger hit the slice of pizza. Then one of my family members grabbed that slice touch by my finger. Then i went into panoc and have been for days trying to figure out if i or did I not wash my hands about 4-5 hours earlier. I just cant prove if i did or not and feel extremley horrible

Have you ever had an assessment for OCD? I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis myself, but your behaviour sounds symptomatic of OCD, especially the contamination fears. You certainly haven't mentioned anything that you should feel remotely horrible about.

I am still worried about the first post

Use this to remind yourself to wash your hands next time or any time you are going to be in contact with food, though it is more about "yuck" and less about actual harm.

The actual touching food after masturbating thing is not so bad. Did you know that both urine and semen are generally sterile? That whole area is relatively clean, when you think about the number of germs that populate a typical human hand, even after it has been washed using soap. So let's just say it wasn't especially unhygienic just because you masturbated. You need to put things into perspective.

Nobody died! Get yourself checked out for OCD.

Yes I have severe OCD and being treated for it right with medications and therapy but that does not help me get over the fact that it happened. I keep trying to analyze if my hands touch the area where the food touched and im thinking it didnt but I cant be for sure.

I wish there was more I could do/say to help. But if you fully accept that the only reason you are giving all this a second thought is because you have OCD, then that is your answer right there.

Try to objectify the thought as "my current OCD obsession" - slap a generic label on it rather than "I masturbated and...". Don't judge the detail of the thought. This will detach you slightly from what you DID and allow you to just watch the movement of this obsessive thought pattern.

Your OCD just happened to grab onto that particular event instead of something else. So the content of the thought itself is irrelevant. It is the recurrence of it that is the issue. Try to observe the pattern rather than the thought content/subject matter.

For example, if I stand next to the road and watch the traffic pass, I can look into the car at the passengers or I can just observe the overall movement of the car passing. Your OCD thoughts are still just thoughts. They are just passing by with more frequency.