I took advantage a little kid's innocence. Help?

Hi, I'm Andy, 17, male and gay. This happened way back in high school.

When I was 14, there was this little boy that always hangs out in the house (age is around 3-4 years old). I did not rape him or touch him in his privates however I made touch or hold my penis. It happened when we entered a room, I somehow managed to get my privates hard. I know that he's curious so I told him while looking at my crotch "Is it big? He answered Yeah, and I told him to touch it (I'm still wearing my shorts this time). I then put down my shorts a little bit and showed him my penis. I told him "Hold it" in a teasing NOT shouting or Forcing manner. He held it like for 5 seconds, not more than 10. After about 3 years, this is the only time i thought about it, and I felt really bad and ashamed of what I did. I know it is WRONG.

Fast Forward to present, I'm being haunted by my thoughts and thinking over this incident. I may have OCD, as I clearly display the symptoms such as the obsessions and anxiety, and I have it bad.

A while ago, while I was about to buy something.. I went to their block and saw him. I told him "You Hold it" when I asked to hold my bag for me, these are the words I said to him when I told him to touch my penis. NOW, I am Over thinking what if, that may had triggered something like a flashback of what I did to him. What If he remembers? What if he's traumatized? I dont know, There is full of what if's in my brain right now.

These past few days, I've been thinking scenarios that may happen, like his mom will find out, my parents will find out. I'll go to jail, something like that. I feel really Awful and depressed, I cannot concentrate on anything. I can't be happy, knowing I've done wrong to an innocent kid.

Please Help me, I feel bad, I feel down.
I feel sorry, What should I do

This is likely to be a difficult thing to process. What you did was wrong but factoring in OCD type thoughts as well is going to be tough to work out. I think you need to take a deep breath and tell a therapist what happened and ask for their help in how to process this all. I think it will be difficult to do it on your own. A therapist can help- there is hope.

Just my thoughts

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