Hi, im 17 and male and gay. When i was 14 years old, I may somehow took advantage of a kid's innosence. I did not rape him (hes a boy, 3 or 4 years old) or touch him, but i made him touch my penis. First, we went to a room then i managed to get my penis hard. Since i know hes curious. I told him to touch it (im still wearing my shorts). Then i asked him, Is it big? He said yeahh. And i brought my private out, so then he held for like 5seconds, not more than 10. After that, i never really felt guilty but now im 17, my guilt is eating me alive. Also I have Ocd which is i think, i cannot manage anymore (i havent diagnosed proffessionally), but ive got the symptoms and everything. It also somehow messes my brain
A while ago, i talked to him since i saw him in the neighborhood. I said "You hold it" when i let him hold the bag im carrying. Those were the words i told him when i told him to touch my penis. So i think that maybe, it triggered something, might be a flashback of what happened. Then he would remember what i did, which i know is Wrong. So im overthinking. I dont know. Im being sooo paranoid or ughh, i feel really ashamed.
I really feel horrible, and the gulit, cant stop thinking about it.(i want to cry) Im imagining that when he grew up he would tell his mom, then id get arrested for sexual abuse. It seems like i already imagining different scenarios that may happen. I just want to live happy but i think toooo much. I want to say sorry to him but i dont know if he remember it happening. I just feel so bad and worried about what may happen.
Thank you, i really meed help.