Regret abortion.

When I was 15 I was in a extremely abusive relationship. He started raping me and I got pregnant. Now my mum had kicked me out as I wouldn't terminate so I went to live with my partner. I expected the beating to stop but one night I slept over a friend a and my boyfriend took a load of speed (something I hate as my dad was a speed addict) and had a girl stay the night though he swore nothing happened. When I found out about this I went nuts and he beat me quite badly. I thought if he could hit me he could probably hit my child so I begged my mum to take me back.

She did but only if I terminated so I felt I had no choice. After the termination things went wrong I was hemmoragging but I his it wanting to die. Then I went to the toilet and something a organ was protruding from my vagina. I thought I was giving birth and had been further a long then I realised. I was happy. So I told my mum who rushed me to emergency survives I had not been giving birth but instead my womb had prolapsed from the force of the hemmorage. I spent a month I. Hospital and they thought they would have to perform a d and c. Lucky they didn't.

The remorse I feel is great and it interferes with my day to day living please help.

Sounds like you went through a lot there Crawling. It is not fair what you have been through. I think you have to ask yourself about would it be a good thing to have brought a baby into the situation which you were in at the time? From what you have said it does not sound like it. In the end the termination was probably the best choice as you were in a difficult and abusive relationship. I can imagine it is difficult to cope with tho but please give yourself a break. you were a kid and you were in an impossible situation.

Hugs

Cracked

Thanks cracked I just feel like maybe if I had been stronger I would have had the strength to leave my boyfriend and have my baby. I hate that I was weak enough to be forced into a decision I didn't want.

Remember that you did your best at the time given all the circumstances and you could not have done more than that. I can totally understand you regreting it but you were doing all you could at the time. When things in your past haunt you try to remember that - at each time you are doing your best given what is going on for you at that particular time

Hugs

Cracked

Thank you very much cracked.