The worst monster of them all.

Thank you everyone for your words, insight and wisdom on this situation. I just feel bad about stopping communication with her. I don't want to give her the feeling that I'm abandoning her, because I'm not not do I want to. But recently she stopped texting me. Now it's at a point where she won't text me back so I've stopped texting. It's just a very tragic situation that I created. I really damaged this woman in ways that are extremely horrible. She has told me that she will never be able to trust again. That right there hurts me so bad. I don't exactly know what actions to take at the moment to mend and heal these wounds I've created with her, so I'm doing nothing in that aspect now. I am battling forgiving myself and fighting these demons in my own mind. Not trying to sound selfish but I just don't know what I can do at this moment to help heal her wounds that I've caused.

Maybe the best thing you can do is continue to not have contact with her so she can heal and move forward- which would be difficult if she is still in touch with you. It might be that this is the most effective way that you can help her.

Cracked

I'm reading a very good ebook at the moment that might help you. It has exercises in it also.
The Courage to Trust by Cynthia Lynn Wall

CrackedGirl.....
I think that is the best option...to just hauls communication with her. I just worry that in her eyes she will see that as me not giving a damn about what I've done and the mess I left her in. Also, it gets tricky because we both work in the same building. I've been doing well avoiding her. But today....her boyfriend (the one she left for me due to my extravagant promises and lies) picked her up and they spent lunch together in the parking lot where we work. When he was bringing her back up to the building in his truck....he stayed behind me and made sure I was out of the area until he dropped her off. Then he ride around looking for me angrily after he dropped her off. I can't blame him for being angry. I took his girl away on a bunch of lies....I hurt his girl. But she did choose to leave him. She even stated that she was not happy in the relationship at all anyways. But now....I've got this guy pissed and looking for me. I'm not trying to sound snappy or angry, because I'm not at all. Just stressed over all this.

Colt.....
I'm going to check into this audiobook now on my iPhone. Thank you for the reccomendation.

Definitely sounds like a difficult situation for you with everything and all the complicating factors. I think that leaving her alone and letting time take its course is the best thing you can do- as well as making sure you stay safe if ppl are angry with you. Things will improve but I know it is difficult atm

Cracked

I agree. I'm at work now and I've been good about avoiding her when she comes in to the building for work, when she leaves and comes back for lunch and when she leaves for the day. I just go do other things during this time. So she doesn't see me. I just truly hurt. It's funny.....I've always hated conflict but yet I create this huge conflict. Boy do I have a lot of learning to do. I have a huge heart and I do care deeply. I just have this issue with compulsive addictive lying. It feels good to be on this forum and to be accepted by everyone. It feels good not to lie for a change and not being afraid to let everyone know what's truly going on. I just have this hole in my heart that I dug myself. Now to try and heal and repair.

I am glad you have the forum to be able to talk honestly and still be accepted. Hopefully this wille extend to your 3D life as well.

Def time to try to move forward and heal

Cracked

I lay here in bed......and I cannot shake the reality of what I've done to this woman. I commited psychological torture. I've made her fall in love with me on a lie. She won't talk to me and at this moment, I don't know what to do to help heal what I've done. It's like I'm in a limbo of sorts. Like I'm in a state of mental paralisys. I know I've hurt her beyond repair and I've hurt her worse than ever. I can't handle my guilt. I don't wanna die like this. With this pain and guild and be known as a liar. I created this fantasy life and told her exactly what she wanted to hear. To gain her heart. I know it sounds crazy....but I want this woman in my life. But in the right and healthy ways. I can't handle this. I'm trying to just move on but my actions really torture my mind daily.

JG85 wrote:I lay here in bed......and I cannot shake the reality of what I've done to this woman. I commited psychological torture. I've made her fall in love with me on a lie. She won't talk to me and at this moment, I don't know what to do to help heal what I've done. It's like I'm in a limbo of sorts. Like I'm in a state of mental paralisys. I know I've hurt her beyond repair and I've hurt her worse than ever. I can't handle my guilt. I don't wanna die like this. With this pain and guild and be known as a liar. I created this fantasy life and told her exactly what she wanted to hear. To gain her heart. I know it sounds crazy....but I want this woman in my life. But in the right and healthy ways. I can't handle this. I'm trying to just move on but my actions really torture my mind daily.

I think it will take time for you to heal and move forward from this so I think it is understandable you are still beating yourself up about it- forgiveness can take time. In terms of how to help her heal, I do think that it might be a case of not contacting her and letting her get on with it using her support structure. You trying to be involved may be very difficult for her so I think it is prob best to keep leaving her alone. Take things one step at a time to forgive yourself - things will get better with time

Cracked

I wanted to reply, because I've fallen for lies before. I was in a really bad spot in my life, so at that point I'd believe anyone and anything. In fact, this kind of thing has happened twice. Once left me homeless and bankrupt, the other left me with just a lot of debt. I don't really hate the guys that did that. In fact, because of this, I had to confront some of my own issues, which was going to happen at some point anyway.

The point is that I'm no worse for wear. I'm super embarrassed, but that never killed anyone. Ultimately, I don't feel like a victim, and place the blame on myself. I financially pulled myself back up and now I have a great job, a house, couple of vehicles, take a vacation every year, am working on a masters degree, and so on. I did eventually find a good match for me, but we don't rely on each other financially at all, which relieves a lot of stress.

Anyway, if she was a good employee, her job will allow her to retract her resignation and her life will go on as usual. She's only as "destroyed" as she allows herself to be. She'll place the blame on you, and that you'll just have to accept. You've probably lost her, but I think it's for the best. You have to work out your stuff and she needs to work out hers.

In order for a relationship to work, the woman has to accept you as you are. If you have to be something you're not, it will never work. All of us have had someone we wanted but couldn't get because we didn't fit what they are looking for, but luckily, there's a lot of people that match you that you'd be very happy with. It just takes time to get that right fit.