Did I sexually abuse my brother?

Thanks, me too. I hope this is just a present day blip, and that I've not got to feel all this overwhelming guilt for the rest of my life. I do have good days, so it seems possible.

In the meantime, forgive me for filling your forum with my repetitive worries. It helps to write them down, and even to get a bit of anonymous discussion. Every time I put one worry away, I feel ill-at-ease, like I'm 'getting away' with something, and another one takes the stage.

I suppose this is fairly similar to the 'unwanted thoughts' process of OCD - or maybe my wrongs are just catching up with me. Though I have been attaching major guilt to some very insignificant things (for example, a few weeks ago I used toothpaste after having a shower, and then I became anxious over the possibility that I'd contaminated [another OCD word] the toothpaste container. I even hid it away for a bit so that my family wouldn't be able to use it).

Right, I've not harmed anyone, that's a fact of the world. The issues are affecting my head and my head only. I can coast along on that and get some work done.

hi

bakert wrote:Thanks, me too. I hope this is just a present day blip, and that I've not got to feel all this overwhelming guilt for the rest of my life. I do have good days, so it seems possible.

I am also hopeful about this jut being a blip- esp if you get the right help and support

bakert wrote:In the meantime, forgive me for filling your forum with my repetitive worries. It helps to write them down, and even to get a bit of anonymous discussion. Every time I put one worry away, I feel ill-at-ease, like I'm 'getting away' with something, and another one takes the stage.

The forum is here to be used and as long as it is not detrimental to yourself it is fine to use it as much as you want to.

bakert wrote:I suppose this is fairly similar to the 'unwanted thoughts' process of OCD - or maybe my wrongs are just catching up with me. Though I have been attaching major guilt to some very insignificant things (for example, a few weeks ago I used toothpaste after having a shower, and then I became anxious over the possibility that I'd contaminated [another OCD word] the toothpaste container. I even hid it away for a bit so that my family wouldn't be able to use it).

It does sound like you have some difficult thought processes going on for you. That toothpate thing sounds difficult for sure too-I would tell someone about that if/when you seek help. Please try to give yourself a break with the guilt - you are a good person who does not deserve to be feeling so bad about yourself

bakert wrote:Right, I've not harmed anyone, that's a fact of the world. The issues are affecting my head and my head only. I can coast along on that and get some work done.

I am glad you are able to say this

Take good care

Cracked

Thanks a lot, Cracked. When I'm calm, and thinking more rationally, I don't think I've done anything that qualifies as abusive.

I usually feel like I have, though, like the guilt and anxiety are lingering on. That's what gets me searching for things to feel guilty about.

bakert wrote:Thanks a lot, Cracked. When I'm calm, and thinking more rationally, I don't think I've done anything that qualifies as abusive.

I usually feel like I have, though, like the guilt and anxiety are lingering on. That's what gets me searching for things to feel guilty about.

hi

I wonder if the issue here is not abusive behaviour but how you feel about yourself and your self esteem too plus some unhelpful thinking maybe too. You feel bad about yourself or like you are a bad person and this makes you want to look for reasons and proof of this in past behaviour. It means that what needs addressing is not past behaviour but rather what you think about yourself. What do you think about how you feel about yourself? Have ppl in your life been supportive and kind to you or not so much? Things like this can make us really feel bad about ourelves and that is when problems can start

Cracked

You might be right, there are a few things at the moment that might be affecting my self-esteem and what have you. I'm also steadily realising the problems in my relationship with my dad through my early teenage years (I haven't seen him since I was 16) - some of the stuff that happened was more 'big deal' than I originally thought. That probably set me a bit askew.

bakert wrote:You might be right, there are a few things at the moment that might be affecting my self-esteem and what have you. I'm also steadily realising the problems in my relationship with my dad through my early teenage years (I haven't seen him since I was 16) - some of the stuff that happened was more 'big deal' than I originally thought. That probably set me a bit askew.

Yeah it sounds like ther might be some stuff going on for you. I think it would be really good to address this with a professional and see if it helps you to work on the guilt and unhelpful thinking

Cracked