Seeking advice and Help - I am the abuser

Seeking book, article, website, any recommendations for me I am the abuser.

I am emotionally abusive to my wife and have made her life hell. i have beautiful and awesome children I have emotionally abused - primarily in the form of having to witness the big bully of the house - me - grind down on their mother all the time.

i could go on about my experience of survival, what I've done to get myself to rock bottom, etc., but what I'm really seeking is help from anyone who can help me:

Book recommendations for me. (i'm the abuser, not the vicitim/suvivor)
website, article recommendations.

any advice or guidance. I want, with every cell in my body, to change, and am working with everythign to do so. I want to try and do every single thing, but I am sorely lacking in "things" to do, to read, etc.
I know personal therapy is a must - I welcome input on that, but I'm looking to augment that in my attempt at transformation to a loving and kind, and emotionally stable person with any and all things.

Thank you for your help!

background..?

please do ''go on about my experience of survival''..


I can recommend a few bits and pieces once you've given your reasons for turning out the way you have.. fixing things and working out better ways to react to situations can only happen once you work out a starting point..

It's all about self control, I imagine if your wife tells you how awful she feels when you are abusive to her LISTEN to her and try your best to put yourself in her shoes. Hating yourself will get you nowhere, self loathing only continues the cycle.

And therapy is a must if you have access to it. Of course researching the topic in books and trying to get a better understanding is a very good first step it will not necessarily keep you from being abusive again. You have to have an iron will for self control. Take a walk if you feel the rage coming on, do anything you can to distract yourself until your urges to be abusive pass.

I commend you and feel much compassion for your situation and as someone who has experienced years of abuse it's heart warming to read your post, to know that some abusers want to stop. You are not a monster, you are human. Be kind to yourself and you may find it easier to be kind to your wife.