"FORGIVENESS IS GIVING UP ALL HOPE FOR A BETTER PAST.."
i've had my fair share of remorse and regrets.. the thought of it (plus the fecking voices) made me so uncomfortable with my own self being.. that i wished i had a time machine so i can travel back to when my mother conceived me.. and convince her for an abortion..
yes i am supposedly my parents failed investment.. a wasteful existence in the whole of mankind.. or so i thought..
but i learned in time that there's really no use in regretting my past.. i know i did what i did.. or the things i should do but didn't.. the hellish chaotic life i wrought upon my parents and me.. to everyone around me of whom i exude my negative energy to..
i know i can't posibbly ignore all that.. it's forever going to be part of who i used to be.. and who i am now..
so we should be glad that we've realised the urgent need to turn over the page.. to move on and create a new chapter in life.. lets make it a great one.. even if its just so-so by our own standards.. we should never try to live up to others.. you gotta live your own adventure no matter what anybody else's standard or definition of a 'great life' is..
regret is only useful when it helps you understand that when opportunities present itself.. grab it.. (if you think 'ooh nobody's watching.. i'll take the money' is an opportunity - you're doomed
)remorse is only useful when it reminds yourself what you'll never do again.. since you've now realized the things that you'll never ever gonna do again.. all that experience will hopefully turn into wisdom.. and wisdom dictates the kind of person you're gonna be.. what WE ALL WANT TO BE.. to simply be a better person than the person we were yesterday..
but where we usually get it wrong is when we try to do the impossible.. u-turning/delving into the past to correct things or to replicate another ME.. dissolving the old ME to create a ME2.0
it doesn't work that way.. we can only upgrade ME into A BETTER ME.. where the good outweighs the bad.. since we will continue making bad decision.. we will become jerks to someone at some point in our life.. for we are only human not angels.. but unlike angels.. we have the freedom to necessitate a change..
what needs to be changed? not by how we are perceived by others.. we can't control how people see us.. we can only change ourselves.. for better or for worse..
"Enjoy where you are, and who you are, right now. Notice what's around you, and who is around you and understand that as soon as you blink, that moment's gone forever. You'll just lose more time regretting it."
i know.. easier said than done.. its easier for a toddler to just lie down than taking their first baby steps.. but they didn't.. what motivates them? to take those awkward wobbly steps and never look back..
"Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard." Coldplay - The Scientist
how do you forgive yourself..? does it mean that i'm freeing myself from guilt and punishment..?
whatever past deeds that got stuck with you will probably still linger on every now and then.. it won't magically go away.. but instead of burdening you with guilt.. burning incessantly within you.. hopefully it changes you.. reminding you of the person you don't ever want to be.. and in turn moving you towards redeeming yourself..
but you gotta understand though.. all bad deeds will be punished without you even realising it.. whether you're religious or anti-religions.. justice will prevail and present itself in all sort of forms.. God, karma, retribution or whatever you wanna call it (maybe the flying spaghetti monsters will haunt you everyday).. but you just don't go living day to day anticipating those punishment out of every nook and corner.. it is out of our hands..
and the things that we could do.. we should.. even if it is just by posting anonymously admiting to it in this forum.. that's good for a start..
"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery; None but ourselves can free our mind." Bob Marley - Redemption Song
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