When I was a child

When I was young, around 6 - 8 I was with a female friend and we decided to experiment sexually beside her bed with our parents in the lounge-room, with little idea and control of what was going on or going to happen. I suppose it was driven by a primitive interest and underdeveloped feelings of arousal.
No under-age intercourse had happened but she had seen my genitalia and I had seen her, I also think some touching was involved. We were beside her bed and even as a child I had feelings of question and doubt. Nothing happened but I constantly obsess (I have PureO/OCD) that this has sexually shaped me, turned me into a pedophile, a rapist or sexually ''dominant'', although I am not because I have a partner and no form of dominance has ever been reflected or acted upon. This does bring upon feelings of remorse, also because her mother sat me down and talked to me about the incident the next day, being 8 I really didn't know what to say. I worry I have shaped the girls sexual and emotional future because I don't have contact with her.

Although I am not a professional I think this sounds like innocent mutual childhood exploration. It does not sound to me like abuse took place (I think of abuse as relating to someone abusing an imbalance of power) and I would not think that this would have harmed her or turned you into someone who would abuse etc. I suspect this is OCD talking - which is tough for you as it is difficult to turn off those thoughts. Do you see a therapist? I think this would be a good thing to discuss with them as they may have techniques for helping you challenge these thoughts you are having. They sound distressing to be experiencing.

Cracked

Thank you so much for the comment, Cracked
I don't see a therapist at the moment but thank you for the comment again. All I can say for now
All the best

ocd44 wrote:Thank you so much for the comment, Cracked
I don't see a therapist at the moment but thank you for the comment again. All I can say for now
All the best

You are welcome

Cracked

Hi

Like you I suffer from OCD and I know how difficult obsessional thoughts can be. I don't have the same obsession as you, but I think I can relate in the way that I know how intense and difficult the feelings can be to sit with.

It sounds to me like you might benefit from having someone to talk to about your thoughts and anxieties.

Best of luck going forward.

I have that type of OCD and I've had the same type of experience. Maybe she remembers it but I doubt it has shaped her negatively. A lot of children sexually experiment. I also personslly think pefophiles are not made but are born that way, like homosexuals. I don't think you made a pedophile or are one.