Was I abused by my younger brother?

When I was around 12 and my brother 10, my brother used to touch my body a lot. I think he wanted to be with a girl (I assume) from a young age and he didn't have a girl. I admit I allowed him to do it, stupidly. He was persistent and kept doing it. Like, we would play in his room and in his bed, he would feel me up. On a few occasions he wanted to see my penis, I didn't want to do that. On one occasion he had me aroused from the touching, and then jerked me off with his hands. He looked awkward after that. I think we talked about it a short while after, trying to come to terms with that, but we were both kids. I tried not to let it affect me at all, like, he just jerked me off... he didn't hurt me. But I just sat there when I should have stopped it. I admit I was a weak and sensitive kid, and not too smart.

I honestly don't know the effect it's had on me directly, but I do know I suffer deeply from depression and anxiety, especially when around my family whom I have never gotten along with as a result of the physical/emotional abuse they put me through separately during childhood. I am the older brother... I should have known better...I feel like if I told anybody about this, that's what they would say to me. "You are the older one, how could you let him do that to you. You abused him, he didn't abuse you". Also, my younger brother is the "favorite", you'll have to take my word on that. After this thing happened, it never happened again. Also my relationship with my brother became permanently damaged. We didn't interact the same, even to this day. I feel like in the back of his mind he still remembers it.

Around others, usually I'm fine. I do well with girls and although my life and career have stagnated now, I'm trying to make the best of it.

Recently my brother came out as homosexual. He used to be a popular guy with the girls, tall strong handsome guy... then in his teens, played around with guys, now he's come out. We're both in our mid 20s

I've never mentioned this to a soul. I know my brother still remembers it and we never talked about it since. One time we were outdoors and somehow we both knew we were thinking about the same thing, he became really angry and upset, I felt really uncomfortable. Anyway I'll be glad if I don't have to mention it to anybody ever again. I just need to know what people here think. Was it just playing around?? Is it actually abuse? I do feel responsible because I was older. Thanks for your opinions

I'm sorry you experienced that. It sounds like it has affected you quite a bit in your relationship with him, and even with yourself. You seem to carry some guilt over this, which doesn't seem fair to me. You were put in a situation and you felt unable to set that boundary. Do you know why you had trouble with that? Did you feel uncomfortable with it at the time it happened? Did you feel pressured or a sense of fear?

Setting those kinds of boundaries in a situation like that can be very difficult and it is unfair to yourself to berate yourself for something that was done to you.

I hope you can talk to someone, even if on here.

Thinking of you.

icedice wrote:When I was around 12 and my brother 10, my brother used to touch my body a lot. I think he wanted to be with a girl (I assume) from a young age and he didn't have a girl. I admit I allowed him to do it, stupidly. He was persistent and kept doing it. Like, we would play in his room and in his bed, he would feel me up. On a few occasions he wanted to see my penis, I didn't want to do that. On one occasion he had me aroused from the touching, and then jerked me off with his hands. He looked awkward after that. I think we talked about it a short while after, trying to come to terms with that, but we were both kids. I tried not to let it affect me at all, like, he just jerked me off... he didn't hurt me. But I just sat there when I should have stopped it. I admit I was a weak and sensitive kid, and not too smart.

I honestly don't know the effect it's had on me directly, but I do know I suffer deeply from depression and anxiety, especially when around my family whom I have never gotten along with as a result of the physical/emotional abuse they put me through separately during childhood. I am the older brother... I should have known better...I feel like if I told anybody about this, that's what they would say to me. "You are the older one, how could you let him do that to you. You abused him, he didn't abuse you". Also, my younger brother is the "favorite", you'll have to take my word on that. After this thing happened, it never happened again. Also my relationship with my brother became permanently damaged. We didn't interact the same, even to this day. I feel like in the back of his mind he still remembers it.

Around others, usually I'm fine. I do well with girls and although my life and career have stagnated now, I'm trying to make the best of it.

Recently my brother came out as homosexual. He used to be a popular guy with the girls, tall strong handsome guy... then in his teens, played around with guys, now he's come out. We're both in our mid 20s

I've never mentioned this to a soul. I know my brother still remembers it and we never talked about it since. One time we were outdoors and somehow we both knew we were thinking about the same thing, he became really angry and upset, I felt really uncomfortable. Anyway I'll be glad if I don't have to mention it to anybody ever again. I just need to know what people here think. Was it just playing around?? Is it actually abuse? I do feel responsible because I was older. Thanks for your opinions

Hi

Sounds like there is a lot of worry and thinking going on about this which is understandable. What I would say is that if it has affected your relationship as much as it has then I think that it would be possibly good to talk about it with each other. I appreciate this would be difficult and that you might not feel able to but if you can it might help. In addition would it help to talk more about what the guilt is doing and what you are feeling guilty about as it is important you can work through this - one such way to do so would be with a therapist but I appreciate this is not for everyone. In terms of abuse it can be difficult to say and I think child on child is a difficult area but I generally go from whether something is an abuse of the disparity of power between the two ppl.

Cracked

Obviously I don't know the full details, but I'm leaning toward abuse based on the story you just told. I'm not entirely sure what your level of awareness was when you were 12 years old, but I would guess is wasn't that great if you were 12. Personally, I wouldn't hold you responsible for what transpired. It gets fuzzier as a person reaches their mid-to-late teens, but to me a 12 year old is very clearly still psychologically a child as he or she would most likely lack the awareness that an adult has.