When you aren't forgiven

I feel bad for hurting my dad. I pretty much feel like I ruined his life. I want things to be ok between us but they're not. For years I been trying to get him to forgive me an he says he has but I know he hasnt really cause things aren't back to how they used to be and it's like there's this strain. I don't live with my dad and stepmom anymore but I mean they'r my family and I want to have a normal family but it feels like it can't happen and I know my dad blames me even if he says he doesn't I tried to talk to him the other day about it and he just brushes it off and says quit thinking about it everythings fine.

I don't think you've done anything to be forgiven for.
Your stepmother was the guilty party not you.
Forgive yourself, it was not your fault you were just a child.
YOU did not hurt your dad, your stepmother hurt your dad. She is an abuser.

I appreciate that but I was 14-15, so I wasn't exactly some defenseless little kid. I didn't know whatto do and I felt scared yeah but that was me being a wimp

I can't see how a situation would be appropriate to justify lack of forgiveness(ability to put it aside and move on) unless its where the person's behaviour is ongoing.

No it's not ongoing trust me.

Once it was found out (finally), then my pastor said if she does anything again come tell me right away, well she did try to do stuff, for a while, even after it was found out but I'd get away from her and tell my pastor and he would talk to her. Not that he ever really did anything but he'd kinda get her to stop but mostly he'd blame me for it. I hated telling him. He made me feel like crap for it.

eventually i got older looking (around when i was 16 or so) and she doesn't try anything since I got older looking she only likes younger boys like the age I was then like 14-16 she's not into guys my age now.
But my dad forgives her and not me. And it makes me really mad.

waiting4tomorrow wrote:I appreciate that but I was 14-15, so I wasn't exactly some defenseless little kid. I didn't know what to do and I felt scared yeah but that was me being a wimp

But you were really weren't you?
A child up against a manipulating, conniving adult woman who lacks normal boundaries.
You were not a wimp, you were a scared confused kid.
I work with foster children and they often spend their lives beating themselves up, full of guilt and shame, blaming themselves for their parents sins.
You know what, its NOT THEIR FAULT.
A child even of 14/15 years is still a child, vulnerable, and in the power of the adults around them.
[quote]But my dad forgives her and not me. And it makes me really mad. [/quote
To be honest, and I know you love your dad, he is at fault, not you. he is being cowardly not to fully and totally blame his 'wife'.
She sounds like a manipulating narcissist.

Please do not blame yourself you have not hurt your dad, she is the perpetrator, the abuser the one who has caused hurt.
You are blameless, forgive yourself you are a child taking on the sins of others.