feel ashamed

I have been struggling with drinking for at least 5 years...

I don't remember much, but my behavior has been very reckless and out of control.

I was in the bar and saying extremely personal things out loud and now i feel awful I am really dysfunctional.

I don't want to keep relapsing.

very remorseful and guilt ridden

i cant take anything back, i purposefully humiliated myself.

AA is an amazing program! my father after 25 years stopped until his death (80!). We were blessed to see the best side of him. Ask for help!! life can be good and can be lived in dignity.
remorse will not take you too far. Help might!!